Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C- | 2 USERS: B+
The Lord God Your Hardy Boys

Plain Jane storms off as her father looks on regretfully. In the srat house, Plain Jane hears scraping as she heads up the stairs. She glances into a dimly lit room where a girl....sits at her desk studying. Oooh. She continues into her bedroom where Slut Bag is sleeping, buoyed up by her slutty boobs.

Out by the train trestle, Sam and Dean get guns out of the trunk (simply cannot wait until they finally show us the boys putting the guns back IN the trunk). Sam realizes that it is episode seven and nobody's really bothered to start establishing any demon/spirit/ghost hunting rules, so he decides to question why Dean is handing him a gun. Oh, Sam, just take whatever gun your brother gives you. Dean tells him to load it with rock salt, so Sam summarizes, "Salt being a spirit deterrent" and Dean Cliffs Notes, "Won't kill it, but it will slow it down." The boys walk away from the car, Sam asking if Dean and their dad came up with the rock salt thing on their own. Ass.

They hear wood creaking and footsteps, and Sam raises his gun to point into the woods. We switch camera angles and slowly slide toward Dean and Sam from the perspective of whatever it is coming out of the woods. Suddenly lots of yelling, "Put the gun down now, now, now!" as a sheriff comes out, and Sam and Dean get on their knees. Okay, if that's the direction the show wants to take here. Sheriff, woods, boys on knees....

Back in the srat house, Plain Jane continues to lurk around her own bedroom watching Slut Bag sleep. The soundtrack gets quietly whooshy as Plain Jane gets in bed and we pan toward the dark space behind the room's open door and the wall. We hear quiet breathing until we transition into morning. Plain Jane turns over, and the soundtrack continues to be nicely understated. We hear some slight dripping as Plain Jane does some unoriginal early morning sleep-sighing. We pan over across the wood floor to a puddle of blood that Plain Jane is clearly only half-seeing through sleepy eyes. We pan up to an arm dripping blood and cut back to Plain Jane's eyes widening in horror. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya, Slut Bag! That's what you get for providing red halter tops to reverends' daughters! Screaming, quick cuts, dead body, various metallic clashes and honking horns. Plain Jane's eyes travel to the wall behind Slut Bag's dead body where, scrawled in red is a pretty stupid message: "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?" Meaning what? Slut Bag was still alive when Plain Jane went to sleep. Whatever it is clearly wants Plain Jane alive to see these dead folks, so it's not like it would've killed her if she saw it.

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