How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 4 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Don't Know Dick
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE THEN! Lemme see: The Leviathans, led by one of their own currently in the form of a gentleman named Dick Roman, are unkillable. Oh, and Our Intrepid Heroes have Issues. Did I get everything? "I believe you did!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, who appears to be wide awake for this evening's impending festivities. You think you're gonna stay that way, my scaly friend? "Hee!" titters Raoul, bringing a coy yet impeccably manicured paw up to his impressively fanged maw. "We shall see! [Giggle!] It's a mystery!" That's one thing you can call it, I guess. "Onwards!" As you wish.

Rattle, Rattle STILL NOT GIVING A SHIT NOW! Things get all Animal Cam up in here the instant the dripping is done, as we tag along through the underbrush with some feral-sounding, hyperventilating beastie who stops just on the edge of a clearing, within which it spies a late-model hatchback parked next to a white tent. We then abandon the beastie and his Animal Cam for the moment in favor of examining the campsite's noisily chugging generator, and as we inch along the ground, following the power cord from generator to tent, the just-appearing location card informs us we've landed in "Wharton State Forest, The Pine Barrens, New Jersey." "Eeeek! What was that?!" Oh, I'm sorry, Raoul -- I should have warned you about that last link. "Apology accepted! But I repeat: What was that!?" You don't want to know. "Okay!" Well, that was easy. So, should I continue? "Please do!" Excellent.

We eventually creep up to the tent's windows, and the place is not so much a simple camping tent as it is a portable cabin, complete with night tables, lamps, a TV with what appears to be a small stereo system, and a pair of leathery-faced fortysomethings in matching track suits sprawled across the top of a king-size sleigh bed, each tightly wrapped in a silvery, cocoon-like sleeping bag. The female of the pair switches off the television set via her remote, and after the male of the pair kisses her goodnight, we...

...get another brief burst of the Animal Cam before...

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