How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 4 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Don't Know Dick

Lair Of The Dick. The agonized screams of his sparkling-clean minions finally reach Mr. Roman's ears from the warehouse floor below, and he snatches up one of the loaded dueling pistols to investigate, presenting Bobby with the perfect opportunity to rifle through all of those papers on Mr. Roman's desk. Unfortunately, none of those papers seem to contain any useful information whatsoever, so Bobby grabs for the remaining pistol and hastily chambers round after round before lumbering off to make his escape. Alas, Sly Sue's been lurking in the antechamber, and she now bursts through the doors of The Lair to backhand Bobby halfway across the floor, but the old coot somehow manages to get the jump on her, anyway, and he aerates her skull with one of the dueling pistol's bullets. Of course, Sly Sue takes all of two seconds to recover from her injury, but by that time, Bobby's gone.

Meanwhile, Darling Sammy's found himself running short on industrial-strength cleaning solvent just as Mr. Roman arrives on the main floor to find out what gives. There's one all-too-brief effects shot of the last of Sam's borax chewing through Mr. Roman's eye socket, but he, too, quickly recovers from that particular injury to commence with the chatty menacing, so it's really quite fortunate that Bobby's chosen this moment to materialize with his stolen gun. Bobby promptly blows a couple of holes through Mr. Roman's back, and for good measure, Dean races in from out of nowhere to douse Mr. Roman's face with what little remains of his own stash of borax. And while Mr. Roman sizzles and steams and howls and screams, Our Intrepid Heroes dart out into the parking lot to retrieve the van.

For some stupid reason, though, Bobby lingers behind just a moment too long, so when Sam and Dean screech up outside, he's still stuck in the warehouse, braining yet another Leviathanically enhanced bodyguard with a crowbar. On top of that, by the time Bobby finally does make it through the exit, Mr. Roman's healed himself, so Bobby's got to start dodging bullets along with everything else. Finally, the hairy old bastard makes it to the back of the van, and as Mr. Roman squeezes off a final two or three rounds, Dean tears the hell out of the warehouse parking lot and into the night.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean hoots the instant they've made it out onto the main road. "I'm glad you got in," he calls back to Bobby. "He almost took your freaking head off!" And while Dean is thus occupied with his shouting, Sam finds Bobby's trucker hat wedged between the front seats. He picks the thing up to pass it back to its owner, and it's only when he receives no reply from the hairball that he notices the bullet hole torn through the cap. Dun-dun-DUN! The screen cuts to black, and in the darkness we can hear Dean cry out, "Bobby? Bobby!"

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