Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 4 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Need Their Space

...RAAAWWWR! "Eeeeeeeeeeeee! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" I couldn't agree more, Raoul. That was fucking awesome.

Suddenly, we find ourselves back at that ridiculously scenic lake from the end of "Croatoan," picking up more or less right where we left off with Our Dear Boys, and if they did film this sequence the same day they filmed that last one, they switched filters in the camera, or something, because everything's now endowed with a decidedly greyer cast than it all had the first time we ran through the following bits of dialogue. "Before Dad died, he told me something," Dean chokes out. "Something about you." "What?" Sammy breathes. By the way, they're pulling that camera trick again -- the one that makes the guys look impossibly small against their ridiculously scenic surroundings -- by filming the initial part of this exchange from about twenty yards away with a very large tree in the foreground that's taking up most of the left half of the screen. We finally leap over to Our Intrepid Heroes as Sam repeats, "Dean, what did he tell you?" Raoul leans forward in antici-- "I AM NOT LEANING FORWARD IN ANTICIPATION!" Raoul shrieks. "For God's sake, after four months' worth of absolutely ludicrous levels of teasing regarding The Enormous Secret Imparted Upon The Loyal Son By The Soon-To-Be-Dead Bastard Of A Father, do you really think I'm going to fall for what's certain to be an absolutely pathetic reveal?" Um, I guess not, then. Calm down, dude. "I WAS CALM UNTIL YOU ATTEMPTED TO TARNISH MY REPUTATION WITH ABJECT FALSEHOODS." Whoa. Okay. Backing away from the Raoul, here. Where were we?

Oh, yes: "He wanted me to watch out for you," Dean sort of shrugs, clearly reluctant to continue, but forcing himself to do so anyway, "to take care of you." Sam, both annoyed and confused as well he should be, buhs, "He told you that a million times." "This time was different," Dean insists. "He said that I had to" -- and here he really struggles to get the word out, unable even to meet Sammy's eyes -- "save you." Dean finally looks back up at Sam. All the way back up at Sam, because Jared Padalecki is a fifteen-foot-tall freak of nature. "Save me from what?" Sam demands. Dean hasn't the faintest clue, of course. Naturally. Obviously. Because Daddy Shut Up sucks so loud and so hard, he's still fucking up his sons' lives even now, months after he entered Hell for what I think everyone agrees is his just reward. "He just said that I had to save you -- that nothing else mattered -- and that if I couldn't, I'd...I'd have to kill you." Sam's decidedly nonplused. "He said I might have to kill you, Sammy," Dean repeats, almost whimpering. Awwww. Poor puppy. And that's the only bit of sympathy either one of them will get from me for the remainder of the scene, for Our Intrepid Heroes quickly descend into a bout of rampant internecine douchebaggery so shouty and overwrought and clichéd that I'm mightily inclined to fast-forward to the bit where Sam steals off into the night to kick-start the episode proper. The fact that Sam takes a page from Lana Lang's playbook to start screeching about Secrets! and Lies! certainly isn't helping matters, either. God, I hate that little, self-satisfied pink squirrel, and damn her to Hell alongside Daddy Shut Up for infecting Darling Sammy here with her particular brand of obnoxiousness. Long story short, Sam wants to hit the road immediately in order to find out What It All Means, but Dean insists they need to lie low for a little while to figure out their next move because "this whole thing is spinning out of control," what with Sam's immunity to "some weirdo demon virus" and their bastard of a dead father's final warning and Dean doesn't know what the hell what else anymore. "Please," Dean pleads, "just give me some time -- give me some time to think, okay? I'm begging you, here. Please. Please." After a beat, Sam reluctantly nods his head around, but his eyes have gone all shifty and suspicious-looking.

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