Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Meet The Antichrist

Of course, Our Intrepid Blockheads protest that they can't kill children on primetime TV and still remain sympathetic protagonists to the women who make up the overwhelming bulk of this show's mouthiest audience segment online, so My Sweet Baboo gets all adorably smitey. Well, loud, at least, most awesomely so when Stupid Sammy suggests they lay it all out for the kid -- Lucifer, The Apocalypse, the fiend's own status as The Antichrist -- and trust that the kid "might make the right choice." Castiel growls, "You didn't!" FACE! IN YOUR FACE, YOU BLOODSUCKING CORPSE FUCKER! A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAA! "Demian!" KILL THE ANTICHRIST! KILL HIM! KILL HIM DEAD! "Demian!" WHAT? "I do apologize, I'm sure! But you seem most unhinged at the moment! [Slurp!] [Skritchy-Skritchy!] Flagon?!" No, no, I'll be fine -- it's just that they've established what a threat to the world that stupid little brat is with fourteen and a half minutes of show time left in the episode, and we know these two idiots won't actually kill the stupid little brat because You Can't Kill Children On Primetime Television, so it means we've got to slog through fourteen and a half GODDAMNED minutes of these two IDIOTS moping around while NOT KILLING THE ANTICHRIST LIKE THEY SHOULD BECAUSE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE IT'S THE GODDAMNED ANTICHRIST AND KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL THE ANTICHRIST KILL THE ANTICHRIST DEAD.

On second thought, maybe you better hold a flagon in reserve for me. I might need it. "Done! [Skritchy-Skritchy!] [ Slurp!]"

Now, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: My Sweet Baboo and his angrily feathery hair flutter away off screen, leaving Totally FACED! Sammy to seethe, "Dammit." Next!

Crazy Julia's House Of Crazy. The lady of the manor exits after night has fallen, and starts when her friendly neighborhood nighttime mailman pops up to ask how she's doing. Crazy Julia, because she is as stupid as everyone else on this show at the moment -- except for Castiel, of course -- does not fly screaming back into her House Of Crazy at the sight of a nighttime mailman, but instead engages him in conversation until...his eyes flip beetle black! Dun-dun-DUUUUUH! Seems the friendly neighborhood nighttime mailman's been demonically enhanced by the same Satanic minion who knocked her up over the July 4th holiday weekend twelve years ago, and has been hiding near her home ever since, waiting for the day when someone would drop by with news of their bastard Satanic lovechild. Crazy Julia opens her mouth to scream, but that of course simply makes it easier for the thing within the friendly neighborhood nighttime mailman to transfer from his body to hers, and once Crazy Julia's been demonically reenhanced, the friendly neighborhood nighttime mailman keels over dead, Crazy Julia's eyes flip beetle black, and we head...

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