Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Meet The Antichrist

The Lair Of The Antichrist. Aftermath. Again. Some more. Crazy Julia's alive and unconscious, but nobody gives a rat's ass about her, so let's talk about the enviable CastielĀ® Brand Celestial Sweetheart Action Figure With Super-Special Glow-In-The-Dark Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't Stabby Hands which, although it dropped to the floor during the late telekinetic scuffle, is entirely intact. Thank God. Dean tries to convince The Antichrist to restore his angelic boyfriend to Castiel's regular size and flexibility, but The Buzzkill Antichrist nixes that idea in favor of some more speechifying, or something like that. WHY ISN'T IT DEAD YET? WHYYYYYYYYYYY? Long story short, Our Intrepid Pinheads DO NOT KILL THE ANTICHRIST ALREADY and instead warn that should The Buzzkill Antichrist choose fight on their side, Its life will suck and Its parents will die. The Antichrist considers this for a moment, then asks if It can go say goodbye to Its adoptive mother and father. Our Intrepid Shitheads DO NOT KILL THE ANTICHRIST ALREADY and instead send It upstairs where...

...The Antichrist stares at Its sleeping adoptive parents for a very long period of time before turning to scamper into Its room, where It crawls upon Its bed to stare at a poster of some surfer dude in Australia for another very long period of time. "I'm [Hic!] booooooooooooored! [Skritchy-Skritchy!] [ Slurp!]" You and me both, Raoul. You and me both.

"He's been up there a long time," Dim Dean finally -- finally -- realizes downstairs, so The Idiots race to the second floor where they find...absolutely nothing at all! DUN! "He's gone," My Gloriously Restored Baboo announces from the hall. He doesn't know where The Antichrist went, but Castiel somehow can sense that before It left, It put all the good folk of Alliance back to normal again -- except, of course, for the ones who were already dead. Ooops. Sam finds a note in which It apologizes for everything It did, but you know what? The Antichrist can roll Its little apologetic note up real tight and cram it, because if I were in charge of things, THE ANTICHRIST WOULD BE DEAD NOW, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? DEAD. D-E-A-D, DEAD! As things stand, however, It's apparently Australia's problem now, so fuck it.

And in the end, The Morons try to convince themselves that their worthless bastard of a so-called father wasn't so bad after all. Or maybe they tried to convince themselves that their worthless bastard of a so-called father was even worse than they remembered. I can't remember. And you know what? I don't care, because I do not care about Sucky John now, more than three years after he met his glorious demise, and I especially do not care about Sucky John now, more than three years after he met his glorious demise, after HIS IDIOT SPAWN DID NOT KILL THE GODDAMNED ANTICHRIST. JESUS!

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Supernatural

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