Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Meet The Antichrist

"There is no way itching powder made that girl scratch her brains out!" Dapper Sammy insists as the boys head back to the Impala. "It's just ground-up maple seeds!" Dean's about to unleash a witty retort, I'm sure, but they're interrupted by the chirping of Sam's cell phone. His eyes widen a bit as he listens to the never-heard voice on the other end, and he quickly agrees, "We'll be right there!" Our Intrepid Heroes embark, and Metallicar grumbles off to...

...Box Butte General Hospital, where orderlies are just now zipping a body bag shut over the crispy corpse of yet another unfortunate yokel under the watchful eye of the county coroner. The LYING LIARS WHO LIE arrive to wonder what gives, and the coroner explains, "Guy got electrocuted." So far, they haven't found the bit of electrical equipment responsible for the fatal zapping, but there is a witness. Unfortunately, Old Mr. Stanley here is just a tad senile, so "He's not making a lick of sense," and you'll pardon me for halting the action yet again, but this needs to be said: Only Bobby Singer is allowed to deploy that particular locution, Kripke. You start having everyone on this goddamned show muttering about "licks" of this and "licks" of that, and they'll all sound like mouthbreathing morons. ANY-way, The Dapper Ginormotron Antichrist and The Stumpy Little Bow-Legged Lamb Of God shrug off the coroner's warning and sidle on over to the muddled old coot to beat a confession out of him, or something like that, but surprisingly enough, Old Mr. Stanley starts tattling on himself with no need for prompting on the part of Our Intrepid Heroes. "It was just a joke," he protests weakly, "I didn't know it would really work." "All I did was shake his hand!" he explains, opening his palm to reveal...a joy buzzer? Our Intrepid Heroes are as puzzled as I, and quickly repair to...

...this week's motel room, where they suit up with welding goggles and enormous non-conductive rubber gloves to test the evil joy buzzer on a giant ham. Heh. Dean jams the buzzer's business end into the raw meat, and within seven seconds, he's got himself a tasty roast. "What the hell?" Sam breathes, pulling off his goggles. "That stuff isn't supposed to work!" "This thing doesn't even have batteries," Dean officially reminds Sam, but he's actually really reminding everyone in the audience, because let's face it: When's the last time any of you saw a joy buzzer? While Dean proceeds to shovel slices of freshly cooked ham into his mouth, the boys bang their heads together and suppose they're dealing with objects cursed by "some powerful witch in town." Fortunately for the purposes of their investigation, both the fatal itching powder and the evil joy buzzer were purchased at the same store, so after Dean packs his pockets with delicious ham, Our Intrepid Heroes head on over to...

...The Conjurarium, which carries the impressive-looking motto "Validus Veneficus Hic," which roughly translates as "MY MAGICK ROOOLZ UR MAGICK DROOOLZ!!!!!!1!!!!11!" Dean's overjoyed to find whoopee cushions in stock, because he is twelve, and because that fact will become important later in the episode. In the meantime, The Conjurarium's somewhat pompously mannered and Canadian-accented owner emerges from the back of the shop to introduce himself. He's sporting high-waisted dad jeans under a carefully tucked Siegfried And Roy t-shirt, and while the existence of each item of clothing can certainly be attributed to the demonically foul influence of Satan himself upon the earth, the overall effect tends more to indicate extreme dweebishness in their owner rather than the extreme wickedness Sam and Dean are looking for, so it's little surprise when we discover he's not the powerful witch the boys suspect him to be, which occurs when Dashing El Deano electrocutes a rubber chicken on the shop's counter with the evil joy buzzer. The Conjurarium's owner emits a terrified squawk and collapses to the floor in a comically exaggerated swoon over the sight of so much melted chicken, so Our Intrepid Heroes splutter profuse apologies before beating a hasty retreat, and that poor schmuck's never going to get that damn rubber off his counter, ever. Sam and Dean can be real assholes sometimes. "I agree!"

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