Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Meet The Antichrist

Farmhouse Of The Damned. Ooops! Spoiler! "Hee! [Slurp!] [Skritchy-Skritchy!] You naughty boy!" Metallicar grumbles on up to the front of the house, and Our Intrepid Perverts disembark to climb the front steps, with Dean pointedly adjusting Princess Sparkle's Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't in his belt. Sam bends down, and down, and down, and down and down and down and down and down and down and down to pick the lock, and is quite surprised when this evening's third Satanic child casually opens the door in front of him. The LYING LIARS WHO LIE, again masquerading as FBI agents, attempt to sweet-talk the brat, but this "Jesse" person's surprisingly cagey, so they flash their badges and formally request entry. After a moment, Jesse allows them in, and leads them back to the kitchen, where he'd been heating up some soup for himself as an after-school snack, as both of his parents work. Only, you know, Jesse's incredibly snotty about explaining the entire situation, so he can drop fucking dead anytime he feels like it. "I concur! [Skritchy-Skritchy!] [ Slurp!]" Thanks for backing me up, there, Raoul. "Not a problem, I'm sure! Please continue!" As you wish. So, Dean notices a bit of childish so-called "art" affixed to the refrigerator, and it is of course a depiction of Captain Lou Albano as The Hairy Fairy, whom Jesse still believes in despite his peevish claim that he's not a kid anymore, so Dean wisely thinks to ask, "What do you know about itching powder?" "That stuff'll make you scratch your brains out!" Jesse promptly replies. Pop Rocks and Coke? "Mix 'em, and you'll end up in the hospital!" Dean draws the evil joy buzzer from his pants, and it's really not as filthy as it sounds, but the foul latchkey urchin's response is relatively violent nonetheless. "You shouldn't have that!" Jesse whines. "It can electrocute you!" Dean patiently explains that joy buzzers cannot, in fact, electrocute people, because they're just cheaply made, harmless wind-up toys. "Oh," Jesse replies, staring at the thing. "Okay." "All it does is shake in your hand," Dean continues. "See?" And with that, he drives the business end of the thing into Darling Sammy's remarkably healthy chest. Sam leaps about eight feet into the air and hangs there, flailing around a bit before realizing the evil joy buzzer's now as harmless as Dean promised it would be, so he settles down into a bitchface of absolutely epic proportions. Hee. Dean reintroduces himself to the scrappy little delinquent, and we enter the second commercial break of the episode most woefully CHOMP!-less.

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