Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Meet The Antichrist

A few minutes later, Our Intrepid Heroes plus Crazy Julia have arranged themselves around the kitchen table for several small cups of soothing herbal tea and one massive tale of misery and woe. There follows an effectively creepy sequence that keeps cross-cutting between Crazy Julia and her wildly darting eyes in the present as she offers the boys what she has to say and flashbacks to the night in question eleven and a half years ago. I must note I do like the way Ever Carradine's playing both Present Crazy Julia and Past Possessed Julia, but what it all boils down to is this: Suddenly, in 1997, she found herself both demonically enhanced and knocked up even though she'd been a virgin up until the very instant of her possession, and nine months later, she gave birth to Jesse in a squalid hardware store basement. Fortunately, her human self, despite being buried deep within her demonically enhanced body, had managed to pick up a few tricks of the hunters' trade, and the moment her body expelled the Satanic infant from its uterus, she somehow -- likely thanks to the searing pain of unmedicated childbirth, I'm guessing -- regained control of herself long enough to shovel handfuls of road salt into her mouth. The Hell-sent minion instantly vacated the premises, borne aloft upon a cloud of bitterly black demonic goo, and while her initial impulse was to slaughter the Satanic infant, she totally wimped the fuck out and gave the hateful little thing up for adoption. By the way, just to make sure everyone understands, the reason she neglected to include a father's name on the birth certificate is because there was no father, which makes her, like, quintuply stupid for not slaughtering the fiendish imp when she had the chance, because, I mean, come on! A Virgin Birth while demonically enhanced? How can that be anything but awful, you idiot? "I must admit!" admits Raoul. "It does seem just a tad foolish on her part, indeed!" Have another flagon, Raoul. "Thanks! I believe I shall! [Skritchy-Skritchy!] [ Slurp!]"

The boys exit, and on their way down the front steps, Sam sighs, "Now what?' Well, I'm no expert in these things, but I believe the first thing you should do is slaughter the goddamned demonic latchkey urchin, GENIUS. Dim Dean, however, because he is dumb, suggests they call for backup, so by the time Our Intrepid Nimrods arrive back in Alliance...

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