Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 6 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Nuke the Fridge

TRAINING MONTAGE! Well, it's just a training scene, actually, but I'm of the opinion that what this episode really needed was a full-blown training montage, specifically one set to "You're The Best," which is probably the exact reason why I should never, ever write for TV. In any event, Darling Sammy teaches Secretly Evil Adam how to fire an automatic while The Manful Ducky Lips brood manfully alone, off to one manful side of the action before we head back to...

...La Casa De La TrĂ¡gica Hermana Pfeiffer Y El Photoshopping Sin Talento, where Sam's just finishing up regaling Secretly Evil Adam with tales of immolations past, or whatever, but when Sam next shifts the topic of conversation over towards The Hunter's Lonely Life -- complete with instructions on how Secretly Evil Adam should ditch both his schoolwork and his girlfriend -- The Manful Ducky Lips Of Manfully Broody Solitude And Discontent have finally had enough of Sam's bullshit, and they draw the elder of the two secretly evil Winchesters to one side for a chat, and wow. Darling Sammy's just gone completely insane this season, hasn't he? Dean's all, "We're leaving this kid alone to have a normal life, do you understand me?" and Crazy Sammy's all, "NEVER! Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HA!" Well, pretty much, what with the way he goes on and on about how normal life is the illusion and the nightmare they've inhabited for the last four years is the reality, and how Adam's doomed to be nothing more than Monster Chow simply by virtue of Sucky John's sucky genes, and how we'll all be swallowed up by a howling meaninglessness and a violent despair, or whatever, and his eyes get a flinty little gleam to them and his waspish eyebrows arch upwards in most wicked a manner, and I'm starting to feel a little faint. Woof. "You and be both! The darling young gentleman's positively dreamy when he's insane!" I couldn't agree with you more, my impressively fanged companion, but alas, Dashing El Deano's of a decidedly different opinion, and he pulls an unprecedented third Dean Winchester Patented Bow-Legged Clompy Stomp Of Great Vengeance And Furious Anger out of La Casa De Tragedy Y No-Talent Blondes to hunt down the damned beastie himself, goddamnit!

Graveyard. Dean breaks into the desecrated crypt from a few scenes ago, digs around one of the ruined vaults, and realizes its back wall hides the entrance to...a secret underground earthen tunnel! DUN! Of course, like the super-smart person he actually is, Dean immediately plunges headfirst into the secret underground earthen tunnel alone, because every super-smart person knows secret underground earthen tunnels never collapse, and he eventually emerges into a cobwebbed chamber on the other end. The grey sandstone floor's littered with dead tree roots, various long bones, a handful of badly bewigged skulls, and..."GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yep, Dean's foot trods upon something squishy, and he trains his flashlight's tiny beam down to discover..."GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Raoul, please! I'm trying to describe the..."GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Oh, Jesus. Whatever. It's part of Joe The Bartender's leg, or something, positively identified by the former living person's Buddy Holly glasses, but that's not important right now, because forest noises are emanating from the secret underground earthen tunnel above Dean's head at the moment, so Dean, like the super-smart person he actually is, empties an entire clip into the secret underground earthen tunnel, because every super-smart person knows secret underground earthen tunnels that never collapse can easily withstand a barrage of gunsh...oh. Ooops.

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