Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 6 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Nuke the Fridge

La Casa De Crap. Crazy Sammy awakens to find his remarkably broad and healthy form firmly strapped down to the dining room table thanks to several lengths of rope, and as we've now entered tonight's The Hell-Sent Beasties Explain It All To You segment, I'll be skipping through this scene to get to the violence and the gore and such. "VIOLENCE?!" Raoul shrieks, perking up considerably from his earlier swoon. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!? Where?!" Soon, friend of friends. Soon. "Hooray!" So, long story short, "Adam" and "Mother Milligan" are actually a brother-and-sister pair of Minnesota ghouls who've been plotting their sweet, sweet revenge ever since Sucky John and that bartender whose name I can't remember slaughtered their father back in January of 1990. To that end, they remained below, feeding on the corpses of the freshly dead until they gained enough strength to emerge from the cemetery, at which point they kidnapped and ate first the bartender, then the nurse, and finally the littlest Winchester. For yes, gentle reader, Real Dead Adam actually was Sucky John's illegitimate son -- after all, how else would Ghoul Adam have been able to access all those fond and entirely accurate memories of baseball games and Metallicar rides and underage drinking if he hadn't absorbed the kid's brain by, like, literally eating it, or whatever? "This is boring!" I know, you shriekily petulant lizard, so I'm going to fast-forward to the point where Michelle Pfeiffer's less-talented younger sister...slices open Crazy Sammy's heretofore remarkably healthy forearm! "DEATH!" roars Raoul, having once again regained his proper senses. "DEATH TO THE TALENT-FREE BLONDE WHO WOULD HARM THE FOREARM! Hee! I do so enjoy doing that!" I'm glad, my scaly friend, and with a little luck, you'll get to do it again, but I'm afraid we must first return to...

...The Underground Chamber Of Super-Smart Morons, where Dean snaps off a handle from one of the coffins, with which he first smashes through the stained glass above his head before wedging the thing into the window's stone frame and hauling himself up and out like a gymnast hoisting himself onto the high bar. Woof. Is it time for the Summer Olympics again? "It is not!" Dammit.

La Casa De Crap. Ghoul Adam sticks a couple of fingers into the hole he drilled into Crazy Sammy's side, and as this episode's suddenly taken a turn for the Warholesque bizarre, we'll be skipping ahead to the point where Dashing El Deano races in from the cemetery to save the day. "Oh, that would be delightful!" Excellent. So, Dashing El Deano races in from the cemetery to save the day, which he attempts to accomplish first by blasting a couple of rounds into Ghoul Adam's chest. Fortunately, Crazy Sammy still has enough presence of mind to shout out the beasties' make and model, so Dean knows to aim a little higher next time, and there goes Ghoul Mother Milligan's head, splattering clear across the wall. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Alas, before Dean gets a chance to do the same to the fiend impersonating his dead little brother, Ghoul Adam snatches at Dean's shoulders and flips Our Intrepid Hero end over bow-legged end through a set of French doors into the parlor, where the two proceed to tussle and whatnot until Dean finally gets the upper hand and starts beating Ghoul Adam's brains in with a candlestick! "VIOLENCE! WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT VIOLENCE AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Well, not so much with the g... "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Wait, you're not listening to m... "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Oh, whatever.

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