Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 6 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Nuke the Fridge

Unfortunately, Dean's surreptitiously aimed his trusty pearl-handled automatic at the teenager beneath the table and now sneers, "If you're [Sucky] John's kid, how come we never heard about you?" so The Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes don't really have a chance to work their magic on Adam, but the latter gamely explains his unusual relationship with their worthless bastard of a so-called father anyway. Long story short, Mother Milligan's a nurse who treated Sucky John in the ER way back in January of 1990, and apparently, she got one eyeful of what Jeffrey Dean Morgan looked like nineteen years ago, decided she needed to hit that both immediately and with extreme prejudice, and the rest, as they say, is an 18-year-old pre-med student at the University of Wisconsin. Though they were never "a nuclear family" by any stretch of the imagination, as Adam reveals, he did eventually nag his mother about his never-seen worthless bastard of a so-called father long enough that Mother Milligan finally relented and gave Sucky John a call in 2002. Upon learning of Adam's existence, Sucky John "dropped everything" to motor on up to Windom immediately, and the two developed a pretty friendly relationship over the next four years, with Daddy Shut Up teaching the kid poker and pool and the proper care and maintenance of that boss 1967 Chevy Impala Adam should have noticed on his way into the diner. "Ooops!" shrieks Raoul. "Is that one of those plot holes I've been hearing so much about?!" It is indeed, my impressively fanged companion, and there are many, many others in this episode -- far more, indeed, than there are shark-jumping references -- and I'm pretty sure I'm skimming over handfuls of them in this very scene just to get through the damn thing already, so again: If I miss something, you lovely people should feel free to share it with the rest of the class on the boards.

Now, where the hell was I again? Oh, yeah: Tripping over plot holes. Anyway, Sucky John also bought Adam his first beer when the kid was fifteen, and I can't believe he was fifteen as recently as 2006, and now I'm getting hideously depressed, so we're going to ignore the fact that Adam is a goddamned infant and skip to the bit wherein he daintily spreads his serviette across his lap before reaching for the silverware which...leads to his spontaneous and gruesome combustion right there in the middle of the diner! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Kidding! I'm totally kidding, Raoul. Nothing like that happens at all. "Oh, poop!" Well, not yet, anyway. "Hooray!" Of course, now that Adam's passed the second of Dean's tests, Dean's completely out of both ideas and patience, and so shouts in the kids' face, "You're LYING!" and need I underline Dean's hypocrisy at the moment, or did the Caps Lock do that job for me? "I believe it was the latter!" Excellent, my scaly friend. Excellent. Adam's all, "Am not!" and Dean's all, "Are too!" and Adam's all, "Am not!" and Dean's all, "Are TOO!" and Adam's all, "Am NOT!" and Dean's all, "ARE TOO TIMES INFINITY!" before Sam whaps them both upside the head with Sucky John's demonic dayplanner and eventually, one of Our Intrepid Heroes blurts out the truth. "I've got brothers?" Adam gulps. "You've got nothing, BITCH," Dean oh-so-wittily retorts, "and I am OUTTA HERE!" With that, he pulls The Dean Winchester Patented Bow-Legged Clompy Stomp Of Great Vengeance And Furious Anger out towards the parking lot. "I can prove it!" Adam shouts at Dean's stumpily retreating form, and the next thing we know, we're back at...

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