LARP and the Real Girl

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C+ | 23 USERS: A-
A Tolkien Gesture

The brothers arrive at Nerdlinger's apartment and meet a sheriff who has the countenance of a grandfatherly walrus. Skipping the musical references this week, Sam introduces himself and Dean as Special Agents Taggart and Rosewood. "FBI? You guys are quick," says Sheriff Walrus. "The FBI is all work, no play," Dean says with a pointed look at Sam. Sam asks for a look around while Dean stays behind. "I work better on my own," Dean says. Now that he's made the awful, awful choice to stick with Sam, he needs to drop the jabs. Anything else just reminds us of what might have been.

Sheriff Walrus takes Sam into the bedroom, where Nerdlinger's torso lies beneath a bloody sheet. It's actually less blood than one might expect from a violent detachment of one's limbs. There are puddles of blood at the shoulders and neat red lines showing the outward path of the departing legs. Sheriff Walrus tells Sam about the victim, which is that he was named Ed, was 31 and worked as an insurance claim adjuster. "So, what happened?" Sam asks. "No sign of forced entry," Sheriff Walrus says. "Near as we can tell, he was tied up and pulled apart." Sam notices something that he thinks are chains. Sheriff Walrus corrects him, because it's actually chain mail, which seems like the sort of thing Sam should know. He also notices the tree tattoo on Ed's arm and makes an interested sound. "So, anything missing from the body?" Sam asks. "You mean aside from the arms and legs?" asks Sheriff Walrus, looking at Sam like he's the biggest idiot he's ever seen, in both size and scope. Nothing beyond the obvious seems to be missing, but the neighbor downstairs says she heard horses galloping around. The sheriff discounts that notion, but points out the threatening texts on Ed's phone from someone named Lance Jacobson. "You shall bleed for your crimes against us," reads the sheriff. And another: "I am a mage and I will destroy you." Dean gets a serious look because he lives in a world where mages are real.

Their next stop is the station to question Lance. He looks like what would happen if Garth could somehow make a baby with Jack McBrayer. Lance bursts into tears. "I can't believe Ed's dead!" His performance is so ridiculously over-the-top that you might think Sam and Dean would decide he's faking. But no! It's a "funny" episode, remember? Even the characters know this, so they've tossed all the regular rules out the window. Lance sobs and wails and boohoos while the Winchesters look on, clearly uncomfortable. Dean asks him about the texts. Lance insists they weren't from him, but from his alter ego. "Those texts were from Greyfox the Mystic to Thargrim the Difficult," he says. "Our characters in MoonDoor," he explains when Dean gives him a blank look. That just gets him another blank look, so he tells them that Moondor is a game and that he and Ed are LARPers. Dean remembers that time he and Sam met the gay couple version of themselves. He says they play every other weekend at Heritage Park. There are pictures on the website that will prove he was at the feast the night before, instead of off killing his fellow nerd. "He was Lancelot to my Merlin," Lance says, near to bursting into tears again. Dean wonders about the threatening texts. The exposition is this: Lance and Ed were named to the Queen's honor guard for the upcoming "Battle of Kingdoms." Lance thought Ed was cheating and called to confront him about it. Lance wails and turns his eyes heavenward. "Oh, ye gods! Thargrim the Difficult is fallen!" He boohoos some more. Sam and Dean slip out before he can start rending his garments.

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