Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 8 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys: Now On A Mission From God!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Ah, a new season, and we all know what that means, don't we, gang? "New title cards?!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, giddily clapping his paws together in anticipatory glee. Indeed it does, my scaly friend. "Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" Raoul shrieks again. I think the charming dear's still holding out hope his exploding-cadaver idea from last season's finale will finally become a reality. Rather than smashing his delightful little dreams to pieces immediately, however, let's see what the brand-new, blood-tinted ROAD SO FAR! brings us, shall we?

As the opening guitar riffs of AC/DC's deathless ode to proper automotive maintenance and -- spoiler! -- sightless women telling no lies escort THE ROAD SO FAR! towards the blackness at the back of the screen, the camera cuts to take in the mass immolation that ended last season's premiere before jumping past a very welcome bit of Tough Guy Jazz Hands from the same episode before reminding us all of the following (and yes, take notes, because all of these will be on the test later this season): Ruby The Sparkly Haired Demon, Lilith, the terms of Dean's second-season-finale deal with a sassy Crossroads Demonette, the generalized awesomeness of Our Intrepid Heroes' 1967 Chevy Impala, the wages of sin, The Stupid Fucking Colt That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't, The Knife That Can Kill Anything And Actually Does, Dashing El Deano's manly hair care techniques, the personal hygiene rituals of drippy dead pirates, the very existence of horrific small children, and any manner of other such dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell as covered by last season's episodes, including the vast horde of possessed Coloradans from "Jus In Bello," the Ed Gein wannabe from "Ghostfacers," the crocotta from "Long Distance Call," and..."GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" For yes, gentle readers, The Kripkeeper and his minions were thoughtful enough to include Raoul's pick for The Most Stupendously Fantabulous Televisual Moment Of The Scintillating Season Just Passed in this opening montage, and the mere sight of Determined Darling Sammy popping Psychotic Gordon's damn fool vampiric head right off his damn fool vampiric body with nothing more than a length of razor wire is still enough to fling your faithful recapper's faithful lizardly companion into tizzily ecstatic paroxysms of glee over there on his overstuffed armchair. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

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