Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Should Start Screening Their Calls
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle THEN! Did you know that Dashing El Deano has but a year to live? It's true! Well, it was true at the beginning of the season, so he's down to a few more weeks at the most by this point, but whatever. The important thing to understand is that he wanted to make the most of the brief time he has left upon this earth, and to that end he suggested Our Intrepid Heroes spend as much time as possible killing some evil sons of bitches and raising a little hell. And so, they set about repeatedly jamming Princess Sparkle's Knife That Can Kill Anything into Demonic Piper's back and clobbering the possessed hordes in Monument's police station with rifle butts and lashing The Seven Deadly Sins with holy water and beating the blameless Impala with a crowbar and shooting Jared Padalecki's adorable little fiancée in the face until they arrived, at long last, for a brief tête-à-tête with Princess Sparkle herself in the last pre-strike episode, in which Ruby revealed that Lilith wants Darling Sammy's impressively large intestines on a stick. Dashing And Soon-To-Be-Dead El Deano was, of course, shocked -- shocked! -- that Darling Sammy would keep such a secret from his brother, but we don't have time to pelt his aggravatingly hypocritical ass with garbage at the moment, for we must quiet ourselves for the...

...Silence, Silence NOW! Torrential rains pelt the nighttime façade of an expensive-looking suburban manse while indoors, the apparent gentleman of the house pours himself a tumbler full of healing booze. Mmmm. Booze. The gent shakily raises the glass to his lips and inhales about half of it before retreating deeper into his study to chew on a nervous thumbnail. As the thunderstorm continues to rage outside, his desk's telephone rings -- loudly, quickly, and incessantly -- and after he hesitates for a tense moment, he crosses to answer. "Ben?" a woman's voice asks from the other end of the line, and I should probably note that her voice fades in and out of clarity through a haze of EVP during the brief conversation that follows, so things aren't looking so good for our friend Ben, here, now are they? "They certainly aren't!" Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon shrieks with approval, already clapping his carefully manicured paws together with glee over Ben's impending demise. "Oh, I do hope that demise is positively gruesome!"Raoul shrieks again. "After all, last week's dreadful episode was such a disappointment on that count!" It's best not to dwell on such unhappiness, my scaly friend, remember? "I certainly do! Now do hurry along with your little story so I can watch this foolish human being die! Whee!" As you wish.

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