Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 1 USERS: C+
The Hardy Boys Vanquish The Charmed Ones

ANY-way, Our Dear Boys natter at each other regarding the case at hand for a bit, realize they haven't a clue who's responsible, and the Impala grumbles off into the downpour. Next!

Elsewhere in this suburban idyll, a brunette named Elizabeth tends to her flower garden while an equally brunette neighbor, Amanda, arrives at her house next door and begins toting groceries inside. Elizabeth calls out a greeting that takes more than a few moments to register with a visibly distracted Amanda, so Elizabeth ventures to ask, "Are you okay, sweetie?" "You didn't come to book club last night," Elizabeth adds, apparently sincere concern flooding her tone. Amanda apologizes and dithers that she was going to call about that and that she "just got busy" but she's fine -- really! -- before she side-skitters into her house. And if her clearly suspicious demeanor and LIES didn't betray her true identity as Dead Janet's Craptinating killer to the audience here, those huge friggin' horse teeth of hers certainly did. Well, those huge friggin' horse teeth and the thick wad of gauze wrapped around her recently injured right hand. "Don't forget about the maggot-infested chicken dinner she's been cultivating in her range for at least the last eleven and a half days!" Raoul hastens to shriek, and oh, my scaly friend, how ever could I overlook something as disgusting as that? "'Disgusting'?!" Raoul begs to differ. "I do believe you mean 'delicious'!" I'm sure I do, Raoul. I'm sure I do. For yes, gentle reader, Amanda's just now retrieving a plate of half-rotted whole roast chicken from her kitchen oven, and she and her horse teeth and her penciled-in eyebrows gaze down upon the -- ahem -- delicious mass of wriggling larvae for a very lengthy period of time until the camera cross-fades over to...

...the crescent moon suspended above a late-night bar and grill, across the street from which has parked Philandering Paul with his take-out dinner on the seat beside him, and yeah, the rat-shit bastard cheated on his gorgeous wife, but this moment actually makes me feel sad for the guy, because whether he cheated on her or not, the first scene made it clear how much he really cared for her, and she's dead now, and he obviously couldn't bear to remain in That House alone yet another night, and so here he is, lost and forlorn, parked across the street from a dive bar in the rain, getting ready to force down some crappy chunks of fried grease while listening to Poison on the radio, so come on: Don't you feel a little sorry for him? "Absolutely not!" Raoul roars, contempt practically dripping from his impressive maw. "That spineless little slug can just drop dead, for all I care! Janet was fabulous!" Raoul, obviously, has Issues with gentlemen who cheat on their wives. I think it's why he's been refusing to watch Mad Men with me. "Don't get me started!" Raoul seethes. "'"Don" Draper,' indeed! You just know that cretinous little twerp's real name is Dave!" Um, actually, his n -- "Silence!" Raoul roars. "His name is Dave!" "Now do get back to your lovely story so I can see the maggots again!" he titters. As you wish, Raoul.

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