Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 1 USERS: C+
The Hardy Boys Vanquish The Charmed Ones

Ah. That's better. The next day, Our Intrepid Heroes saunter on up to Elizabeth -- who's tending once again to her worm-infested garden, natch -- and introduce themselves as Detectives Bachman and Turner, there to pepper the late Horsey Amanda's friends and neighbors with questions regarding the deceased's last days on earth. First, though, Darling Sammy goes out of his way to compliment Elizabeth on her mad gardening skillz. "Getting these herbs to grow out of season like this?" he offers, spinning a finger around above the herbs in question. "It's quite impressive." Elizabeth rather non-subtly freaks, because she is of course harnessing all the forces of Hell to keep her shrubbery green through the cruel winter months. Or something like that. Our Intrepid Heroes then proceed to blow little Lizzie's mind by revealing that they know all about the astonishing variety of disgusting tools of the voodoo trade Horsey Amanda kept in her house, and wonder if Little Lizzie might be able to shed some further light on the matter. Little Lizzie's about to fold like a cheap suit when Renee and Tammi materialize from nowhere to stand on either side of their friend and co-conspirator, and the two arrivals -- Renee in particular -- manage with masterful amounts of efficiency to freeze the now supremely suspicious boys right out of the neighborhood. Next!

Night. The Impala chews up a length of lonely and fog-enshrouded highway before the camera hops inside the front seat, where Dashing El Deano's admitting, "I'm already sold on that Elizabeth chick." "You see that Victory Garden of hers?" he snorts, displaying shocking amounts of historical acumen for someone who admittedly received all of his book-larnin' from Schoolhouse Rock. Shut up, Supernatural. Anyway, Dean goes on to note that said Victory Garden contained belladonna, wolfsbane, and mandrake, among other occult-related weeds, and Darling Sammy jumps into the expository fray with a bunch of related research he's managed to dig up on the various witches involved, but as the audience already knows they're greedy little Satan-worshipping WASP women who deserve the gruesome deaths this episode has waiting for them, let's skip ahead to the bit where Metallicar buzzes and blinks and shudders to an unexpected stop at the side of the road, shall we? "What the hell?" I'm sure Dean spits when the headlights reveal Sparkly-Haired Ruby waiting for them in the night, and for a very long moment, I thought Darling Sammy snarked a sarcastic, "Groovy!" of his own upon seeing the demonette in question, but then I realized The Padalecki was just garbling her name for some reason. This is Dean's first encounter with Princess Sparkle, by the way, and his immediate reaction is of course to level The Fucking Colt That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't at her luxuriantly coiffed head. Alas, because Katie Cassidy remains slated for at least another installment in this strike-shortened season, there will be no spectacular examples of face-shooting gore to send Raoul into yet another tizzy of glee this episode. "Oh, pooh!" Relax, hon -- we've still got a few neck-snappings and back-stabbings to go before we're done. "Hooray!"

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