Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 1 USERS: C+
The Hardy Boys Vanquish The Charmed Ones

Manor. Post-Revelation Aftermath. Demonic Piper unleashes her Mighty Hands Of Discontent in Deluxe Action Sammy's general direction, and The Ginormotron howls and wails and blazes his merry way down The Waste Land. End of the series, kids! Hope you had fun!

Kidding. Demonic Piper actually unleashes one of her Mighty Hands Of Discontent and telekinetically flings Deluxe Action Sammy against the far wall, where he remains pinned and mute for the rest of this scene. So much for those Dean levels of bad-assery he's been so assiduously cultivating this season, huh? Then again, it's always a pleasure to see Darling Sammy getting choked by one of the Demons Of The Week, even if it is only telekinetically. Meanwhile, The Feebs lights into Demonic Piper and shrills something obnoxious and self-serving about the proper care and feeding of potential slampieces, so Demonic Piper snaps the bony hag's neck. Which, again: TOO LATE AND WRONG SHOW, PIPER. Also unfortunately, Demonic Piper decides she'd rather speechify at great length regarding her identity and grand plan rather than, oh, I don't know, just fucking killing everyone already, and because The Demonic Piper On This Show has thus become just as stultifyingly blockheaded as Any Piper On That Other Show, we will be skipping through this and all of her subsequent scenes to get to the point, such as it is. Long story short, Demonic Piper's been tricking stupid women like Paige, Phoebe, and Horsey Amanda -- who, to keep this whole Charmed/Supernatural February Sweeps Crossover Extravaganza! thing going, should probably be called The Lispy Bimbo, though I'll be damned if I'm heading back to her sssscenessss to add eksssstra essssssssessss to everything sssshe ssssaid, and where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: Demonic Piper's been tricking dimwitted morons into her service for centuries, and once she has the simpering bints firmly under her control, she offs them and keeps their souls for all eternity. So why is Paige still breathing, PIPER? GOD! DAMMIT!

ANY-way! Christ! Now, where the fuck was I? Oh, yeah, that's right: This endless fucking scene. So, Darling Sammy's pinned to the wall and quite possibly mute -- though I can't be certain on that last point because my ears started bleeding three entire seconds into Demonic Piper's completely unnecessary monologue and I can't hear anything these people are saying anyway -- leaving Demonic Piper to natter on and on and ON about how Darling Sammy's rival for control of The Underworld -- whom I believe is either The Source or The Wicked Witch Of The West, so take your pick -- has ordered Sam's immediate execution, which I'm sure is why Demonic Piper WON'T SHUT UP AND KILL HIM ALREADY. Or something like that. This scene is beating what's left of my scattered little brain into a pulp. "Tasty!" Quiet, Raoul. So, in any event, Dashing El Deano busts in on all of this absolutely gripping dramatic action, but Demonic Piper just flips out another Hand to sling El Deano ass over end into another wall. Meanwhile, Paige continues to live.

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