Mannequin 3: The Reckoning

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: C
The Hardy Boys Experience Acute Renal Failure
e Passaic Observer dated last year detailing the disappearance of one Rose Brown, a sweatshop seamstress who vanished one Friday evening on her way home from work. "Survived by sister Isabel," Sam reads, popping a significant eyebrow in Dean's direction, and the boys quickly agree to drop in on Rose Brown's grieving sibling for a chat. Unfortunately, Dean's cell phone bleats again, and it's Bendy Lisa -- again -- only this time, Sam insists Dean answer.

"Finally!" peeves Bendy Lisa's increasingly large bastard of a son the instant Dean picks up. "I've been calling!" he complains, sounding a little frantic, for something dire's apparently afflicting his unusually flexible mother. She won't speak to him, she refuses to come to the phone, she often refuses even to leave her locked bedroom -- could Dreary El Deano drop everything and motor on over to Michigan right away? Turns out he can, especially after Darling Sammy basically throws him into the Impala with firm orders not to return to New Jersey until he's settled things out in the Midwest. Because things always work out so well for them when they split up in the middle of a case. Idiots.

Once Dean's out on the road, Sam proceeds with his earlier plan to drop in on Rose Brown's grieving sibling for a chat, and what this meek and mousy Isabel person has to say isn't terribly revealing, though at one point she does sigh and admit, "She did more for me than anybody else ever could." Pay attention to that line, for I do believe it becomes important later. "Really?!" Well, actually, I haven't a clue -- I'm just trying to keep your interest going, because this episode has started to drag. "Rats!" Indeed. In any event, mousy Isabel passes Sam a scrapbook for his perusal, and he quickly happens upon a photo of the sisters in happier days at the sweatshop's Christmas party. Isabel, you see, works there, too. "Everybody," as she puts it, "works at the factory," and with that, it becomes clear that no one responsible for this evening's installment has ever been to Paterson, New Jersey, in their lives. Nevertheless, the photo does provide one significant clue: Both the tubby schlub of a janitor and the wee tiny gnome of a security guard worked in the factory at the same time Rose Brown disappeared, so Sam heads back to the sweatshop for a...

...MONTAGE! I do so love a good montage. Darling Sammy diligently interviews each and every single one of Rose Brown's former colleagues until he finally ends up chatting with a revolting mank of a ratbag who seems particularly averse to the entire concept of bathing. The ratbag, of course, is incredibly sketchy, twitching his way through responses to even the most mundane of Darling Sammy's questions, so naturally, Our Intrepid Hero's suspicions are aroused. "I do hope that's the only part of the dear lad that's aroused!" Raoul saucily interjects. "That creature he's speaking with is positively disgusting!" You're not lying, hon. In any event, Sam eventually realizes he's getting nowhere with the ratbag and draws the interview to a frosty close by prissily passing the ratbag his card. Next!

Bendy Estates, Michigan Division. And I can't for the life of me remember when she moved there from Indiana, but whatever. Dean rings the doorbell, and Bendy Lisa answers with a broad smile on her face that dies a quick and grisly death the instant she sees who's actually lounging around on her front porch. "What are you doing here?" she scowls. Hee. "We've been Parent Trapped," Dean realizes with a groan, going on to describe Ben's series of increasingly frantic phone calls for Bendy Lisa's benefit. That something dire apparently afflicting Ben's unusually flexible mother? A date. You know, with a man. A doctor, in fact, as we learn after Bendy Lisa reluctantly invites Dean in for a beer, said invitation accompanied by much vigorous rolling of her eyes, and I'm sorry, but I stopped caring about this storyline about halfway through the season premiere, so you'll have to forgive me while I skip through the lengthy and boring conversation that follows in what I'm sure will be a futile attempt to extract something of relevance from all of their utterly unnecessary yammering. "Skip away!" Thanks, Raoul. "No problem! [Slurp!]" Long story short, Bendy Lisa is D-U-N done with him. Does that cover it? "I think it does!' Excellent. Next!

Sweatshop Of The Damned. Johnny The Ratbag paces the otherwise deserted factory floor in the middle of the night, ranting through his cell phone at someone we can't hear and will never meet. And why, exactly, is the ratbag flipping out? Let's listen in for his explanation, shall we? "Because of the Feds!" Ratbag Johnny screeches. "Because Dave and Steve are frigging dead!" Those reasons work for me. How about you, Raoul? "[Slurp!]" I'll take that as a yes. Ratbag Johnny eventually yells that the mysterious stranger on the other end of the line should just call him back, or something, and barely has the wretch angrily snapped shut his cell when three tiny beads of blood spatter down against the phone's screen in his hand. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Ratbag Johnny reaches up to find a lurid, oozing gash spreading rapidly across his forehead, apparently of its own accord, and he promptly freaks his vermin-infested self straight into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

Sweatshop Of The Damned. During the break, Ratbag Johnny's breath began streaming from his mouth in a cloud of vapor, because the temperature dropped about forty degrees. He spins around to find himself staring at a featureless white mannequin, and Raoul and I lead forward in our chairs in delighted anticipation of Ratbag Johnny's long-overdue demise when... Darling Sammy pops up from out of nowhere to save the day? "Fie!" shrieks Raoul, understandably feeling more than just a little thwarted. "A pox!" Now, really, Raoul, it's not like.... "A POX, I SAY! A pox on Sam Winchester and the Jared Padalecki he rode in on!" Are you done? "Yes, I am, actually!" Good, because I think I'm over this episode, and I'd really like to get through the rest of it as quickly as possible. "[Slurp!]" Wonderful.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP