Meet The New Boss

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 5 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Keep Losin', When They Oughta Not Bet

...Heaven, where Castiel strolls through a ridiculously scenic tree-lined clearing whilst declaiming, "Understand: If you followed Raphael -- if you stood against me -- punishment is certain." "There is nowhere to hide," he warns his unseen angelic audience before addressing those of his brethren who remained above the late fray like so: "The rest of you? Our Father left a long time ago, and that was hard. I thought the answer was free will, but I understand now you need a firm hand. You need a father, and I am your father now." I'll toss that a DUN! on the off chance they rev up the whole Angel Wars crap again later in the season, but rest assured: My heart isn't in it. My Godly Baboo concludes his little speech with, "Be obedient, my children, or this will be your fate." At that, the camera sweeps down to his feet, where it lands on the splayed, sightless corpse of one of Raphael's heavenly minions, the grass beneath his body still smoldering from his wings' immolation. The camera then leaps back to take in the entire clearing, which is littered with the badly CGI'd corpses of several dozen former minions, and there's that scorched-wing effect effectively pounded into the ground. Sigh. My Godly Baboo rapturously claims it to be a new day, on Earth as it is in Heaven, and he blissfully breathes, "Rejoice!" as we slam into the...

SPLAT! Wait. Did some demon just blow a snot rocket all over my television screen? "I believe he did!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, finally deciding to join us for this evening's festivities, and I was wondering when you were going to jump in here, my scaly friend. "I was loath to interrupt your spellbinding account of tonight's enthralling opening sequence!" Sarcasm's a good color on you, hon. "Thanks!" Now, should I continue, or would you care to regale our friends out there in Internetland with saucy tales of your sordid summertime escapades? "Oh, do go on, by all means! After all, a lady must have some secrets, yes?!" Yes, I think that's for the best. Now, what crap are they flinging at us next?

Oh, right: This crap. We find Bandy-Legged El Deano flipped upside down in the much-abused Impala, trying and failing to pop out a brutal dent in the roof with his heavily booted feet, when Bobby ambles on over from points unknown to kick-start this episode's exposition. Long story short, Darling Sammy apparently fell into something very close to a coma after their worthless little jaunt down to Crowley's laboratory, and Bobby's letting The Ginormotron sleep it off over in the Emporium proper while he and Dean review their options, which are very few indeed. To begin with, My Godly Baboo's simply vanished from the face of the planet, with nary so much as "a trench coat on a tortilla" to indicate his current whereabouts, so our protagonists are momentarily stuck cooling their heels in the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota, waiting for reports of "miracles" or "mass visions" or something -- anything -- to direct them towards their next adventure. In the meantime, Bobby would research how to subdue or slaughter their erstwhile angelic friend, but he hasn't the faintest idea where to begin. Dean's even more useless than usual, if that's at all possible, and the two bemoan their current situation until the scene sort of just peters out.

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