Meet The New Boss

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 5 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Keep Losin', When They Oughta Not Bet

...a public restroom, where the souls he's imprisoned inside his body try to fist their way out through his stomach. As you can tell by Raoul's silence, the overall effect is not nearly as exciting as one would hope. "Tacky!" Truer words, my scaly friend. Truer words. Also: The season's very first METAL TEETH CHOMP! So, you know. There's that. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn!" There's that, too.

Bobby's Backwoods BORING!, which is made somewhat less so by the appearance of a slip of parchment slid under the front door by a swiftly disappearing Crowley. It's the spell to bind Death, of course, but naturally, there's a hitch: The spell requires "an Act of God, crystallized forever," which Bobby takes to mean a shard of fulgurite, which Bobby claims is vanishingly scarce, which no, and not even, and never, and SHUT UP, BOBBY, and NEXT!

Stately Fulgurite Manor. You see, because fulgurite is so vanishingly scarce, they must break into some fulgurite magnate's impressive manse (built, no doubt, with bales of filthy fulgurite money) to swipe a prominent fulgurite sample from the fulgurite magnate's vast fulgurite collection, and I just can't with this anymore, and I don't even want to try with this anymore, so Chase, Cutting To The: Our Intrepid Nitwits break in to Stately Fulgurite Manor, whereupon they are immediately accosted by the gun-toting fulgurite magnate and his wife, whom Our Intrepid Nitwits immediately overpower and lash to chairs -- the better to have rank civilians witness the supernatural hijinks that follow, natch -- and then, after a beautiful Ritual Preparation Montage that chews up a good sixty seconds of episode I never, ever have to deal with, ever, Bobby finally starts in with the Latinating. Barely has the opening line left Bobby's lips, however, when the entire house around them begins to quake, and as Bobby's recitation continues, the shaking rapidly amplifies in intensity, shooting great, groaning CGI'd cracks through the ceiling plaster while shattering every single pane of glass in the manor's great hall until, just as quickly as it began, the ominous quaking stops, giving way to an even more ominous silence. "Hello?" Dean yodels. "Death?"

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