Mommie Dearest

Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 5 USERS: A+
What Are Hardy Boys Doing In This Closet?

Wow. That was pretty damn good. "I'm speechless!" Are you actually speechless, Raoul, or are you being facetious? "A little of both!" Just as I suspected.

With their Mother now out of the picture, the heretofore obedient Starship underlings go bananas, but a freshly repowered Castiel's got that one covered. He bellows for Our Intrepid Heroes plus Bobby to shut their eyes, and the instant they've complied, My Badass Baboo unleashes a terrible white light from his hands that reduces every last Starship in the diner to a smoking husk of a corpse. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Castiel next heals Dean's wounds with a simple tap on the shoulder, and with that, the four flutter off to...

...Hugo or Placer or wherever to take care of The Imminent Corpses. One problem: Someone's beaten them to the punch, and The Imminent Corpses are now The Present Corpses, splayed across the basement steps with great, big sucking chest wounds still oozing blood. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" I told you everyone would be dead by the time this episode ended. "You did indeed, and it's faaaaaaab-ulous! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Well," Dean pouts, thwarted, "who ganked them?" Sam crouches down by The Present Corpses and sweeps his hand through a line of sulphur he finds sprinkled across the floorboards. DUN! Also: This evening's final CHOMP!-less commercial break, even though we only have two minutes of actual show content left. Whatever!

White City or Medford or Wherever. Immediate Aftermath. "So, whaddya think?" Sam asks. "I think," Dean announces, "that demons don't give a crap about monster tweens unless they're told to!" Sam's all, "So, Crowley, then?" and My Devious Baboo goes, "Crowley? Who's he? I never heard about anyone named Crowley! Why are you talking about this Crowley guy, huh?" Because My Devious Baboo suh-huuuuuuucks at the LYING. In case you haven't noticed that before. "I'll look into it immediately!" Castiel promises, and with that, he flutters off, leaving Sam, Dean, and Bobby stranded out in the middle of Talent or Keno or wherever the hell they are with no way to get back to The Lush Coastal Rainforests Of Southeastern South Dakota. Sucks to be them!

Diner Of Death. A 45 clicks into place on the jukebox, and as the vaguely psychedelic opening bars of Jefferson Starship's "Miracles" emanate from the jukebox speakers, the camera leaps across the room for a low, wide angle of Castiel standing alone among the corpses. And I must admit, clever as it is for them to end this episode with a Jefferson Starship song, it was even more clever of them to open it with a song that swears, "I believe in miracles!" while closing it with one that sighs, "If only you believe in miracles, so would I." Remember when they used to pull shit like this all the time on this show? "I do not!" Only because you have a brain the size of a walnut, you dizzy lizard. "Hey!"

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