Mommie Dearest

Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 5 USERS: A+
What Are Hardy Boys Doing In This Closet?

Now, where the hell was I, again? Oh, yeah: Sam spots his captors' unnaturally glowing eyes in the video monitor, so he immediately jerks that freakish Cro-Magnon skull of his backwards to head-butt the deputy who'd been shoving him along. "Jefferson Starships!" he screams, kicking one of the beasts in question in the teeth, and generalized pandemonium erupts in the station house until Dashing El Deano pops up from out of nowhere with a machete in his hand, and SPLAT! Deputy The First immediately finds himself missing most of his head, and what remains of his lower jaw and neck is now spraying blood across My Sweet Baboo's chest. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" hoots Raoul as he excitedly pounds his tail against the floorboards with joy, and I might have to give this episode an A based on the spectacular body count alone. In any event, Castiel swipes the machete from Dean and quickly dispatches Deputy The Second. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yeah, it'll probably be an A. Dean's about to take out the sheriff himself when Sam bellows for him to hold off, for reasons which shall soon become apparent.

Moments later, we enter the station's interrogation room to find the sheriff firmly lashed to a chair with several lengths of chain. Bobby snarls a series of rather boring questions and observations at the thing while Sam, Dean, and My Sweet Baboo look on from the other side of a two-way mirror until forest noises emanate from somewhere deep within the station's cell block. Sam and Dean quickly abandon the interrogation in favor of Tough-Guy Jazz-Handing their collective way to the back hall, where they find...Doctor Silver's sons! DZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz! "Oh, why did they have to inject something so dreary as children into this otherwise thrilling little installment of our lighthearted Friday-evening divertissement!? WHY?!" To kill them off at the end of the episode? "Hooray!" That's just a guess, though -- I could be totally wrong. "Drat!" Though given the way this episode's going, it would not surprise me at all if Sam, Dean, Bobby, and Castiel are the only ones left standing once it's over. "Whee!" I share your enthusiasm, friend of friends, but I'm afraid I must press forward to this evening's next burst of utterly senseless and utterly awesome violence -- you don't mind, do you? "Of course not!" Good.

So, Sam and Dean stumble across Doctor Silver's sons, who for the purposes of this recap shall be known as Imminent Corpse One and Imminent Corpse Two. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" They're presently trussed up in one of the cells and, after Our Intrepid Heroes free them, one of The Imminent Corpses relates their shared tale of woe, which involves the sheriff and his deputies, like, eating their parents before placing The Imminent Corpses on ice, as it were, for snacking purposes later. "Delicious!" The Imminent Corpses have an uncle in a neighboring town, and Dean foolishly vows to deliver The Imminent Corpses to their sole surviving relative after first performing a series of never-specified tests to ensure The Imminent Corpses are not, in fact, Jefferson Starships themselves. Got all that? "I do!" Good, because I don't want to watch that goddamned scene again. Stupid kids ruin everything! Next!

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