Mommie Dearest

Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 5 USERS: A+
What Are Hardy Boys Doing In This Closet?

Now, where were we? Oh, yes: This evening's Talky Bits. Yep, now that she's got herself a captive audience, Mother -- who'd been damn near monosyllabic during her previous appearances on this show -- decides she absolutely must speechify at length until Sam and Dean have been bored to death, along with whatever remains of this inexplicably renewed show's rapidly dwindling audience. Long, long, l-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-g story short, Mother did not rise from Purgatory intent upon destroying the planet. In fact, she was quite happy with the natural order as it had stood for eons, wherein a few of her offspring turned the occasional human being while the occasional human being took out a few of her offspring. That all changed, however, when Crowley started kidnapping Mother's spawn to torture them in his abandoned insane asylum.

At this point, Eve morphs up into Burnt Mary form -- just for shits and giggles, I suppose -- and while Samantha Smith certainly is far more entertaining to watch in the role than poor Julia Maxwell could ever hope to be, she's still stuck delivering this ungainly exposition dump for the audience's supposed benefit, so sorry, Burnt Mary, but I'm going to be skimming through your Talky Bits as well. "Kisses!"

Mother Mary insists she only wants Crowley dead -- for what he's done to her children, of course -- and when Dean snots back that the "little limey mook" in question "roasted months ago," Mother Mary's forced to reveal that Crowley actually still walks among us. Consternation abounds, of course, and then we get an even bigger exposition dump: The whole thing's about the souls. As you'll recall from the last couple of episodes, souls equal power for whomever happens to own them, and Crowley's apparently attempting to assume control of Purgatory in order to "siphon off" Mother Mary's supply of the things. Just go with it. And maybe think of this scene while you're doing so. You're welcome.

So, anyway, how has she decided to fight back? By turning every human being on the planet into one of her children (which, by the way, ties in to various monsters' claims earlier in the season about amassing armies, if anyone can remember that far back at this point). The experiments she's been conducting in Grants Pass -- the infectious but ultimately too-watery shapeshifters, the initial vampire-ghoul hybrids whose brains fried from the inside out, the ultimately successful Jefferson Starships -- were all geared towards that end. She needed a new sort of offspring that could inconspicuously propagate itself through an entire town's population in less than a day while also remaining shielded from your typical hunter's tests, and she succeeded. In fact, Sam and Dean have been tooling around with one of her new, improved creations all day -- Imminent Corpse One! Or maybe it was Imminent Corpse Two. I have no idea. "I'm bored!" How the hell do you think I feel, lizard?

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