Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 11 USERS: A+
The Cracky Boys Crack The Crack Crackman Of The Crackopacrack

"And then will come Famine, riding on a black steed," Castiel narrates as the scene shifts towards a Biggerson's on the outskirts of town. A motorcade composed entirely of black Ford Broncos spins into the parking lot from points unknown, and a squadron of demonically enhanced Men In Black emerges from the vehicles to prepare Famine's way. "He will ride into the land of plenty," Castiel continues as one of the demonic underlings sets up a pricey-looking wheelchair on the asphalt while some demonically enhanced bruiser of a henchman reaches into the lead car to haul out Famine himself, and in a very nice choice by all involved, Famine's a frail, withered, ghastly, ghostly husk of a man who clearly hasn't the strength to move of his own volition. Or does he? Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! The demonically enhanced bruiser loads Famine's wasted form into the pricey-looking wheelchair, and yet another demonically enhanced attendant fixes an oxygen line under Famine's nose as Famine stretches a bony, beringed claw towards the pricey-looking wheelchair's controls. "And great will be The Horseman's hunger, for he is hunger!" By now, Famine and his entourage have reached Biggerson's front doors, and you'll excuse me while I retrieve my poking stick and... "Hey! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" For yes, gentle reader, as Famine rolls across the diner's threshold in his pricey-looking wheelchair, and as Castiel assures us that "his hunger will seep out and poison the air," each and every single one of the two dozen or so human beings present flips the fuck out. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Most of the customers just start cramming fistfuls of food into their mouths, though the waitress immediately dives for the register to stuff all the cash into her bra, and it's Alice and Russell redux with an especially frisky pair over there by the windows, but the most memorable -- and most gruesome -- bit of spectacular self-immolation during this sequence arrives courtesy of the diner's short-order cook, who -- get this -- maniacally plunges his hands into the deep fryer to scarf down some piping hot French fries! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Oh, my holy God. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" You should see this guy's fingers when he pulls them out of the oil. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" I think I'm gonna hurl. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Speaking of my holy God, I think Raoul's just seen Him. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! EEEEEEEEEEEEE! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! EEEEEEEEEEEEE! [Thunk!]" Aw. It's always so cute when Raoul succumbs to incapacitating amounts of near-religious ecstasy. "Glalalalalalaalallalalalllaalalalah!"

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