Supernatural

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 19 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Freeze Their Butts Off Waiting To Worship A Rat

The Broward County Mystery Spot, later that evening. The camera peers down a hall painted with a gaudy, fluorescent-green-and-black Vertigo spiral as Our Dear Boys pick the lock at the far end to enter. Dean activates his flashlight while Sam whips out one of those EMF readers I feel like I haven't seen in years on this show, and they sidle past a skeptical horse's ass to poke around. No, seriously -- there's the back end of a stuffed horse sticking out of a wall with these gigantic question marks shouting out in rays around its tail, whatever the hell that's supposed to represent. So, in any event, Dean makes disparaging remarks regarding the furniture bolted to the room's ceiling while Sam passes his EMF over a plastic turkey on a tilted table nearby. There are no satisfying VREEEEORP! noises to be had, however, so Our Intrepid Heroes tiptoe further into the attraction until a panicky gentleman's voice calls out, "What the hell are you doing here?" The boys spin around to find an absolutely tragic white-and-gold paisley shirt leveling a double-barreled shotgun in their general direction. Well, it's actually The Spot's owner holding the shotgun, but I trust that you'll know what I mean when I tell you that shirt is wearing him, rather than the other way around. Yeesh. Sam and Dean take instant stock of the owner's dangerously volatile disposition and make appropriate passive and placating noises while moving to disarm themselves, but as Dean's slowly kneeling to place his automatic on the floor, the jumpy owner's trigger finger jerks, and Dean takes a loudly reporting round directly in his chest. DUN! Dean collapses onto his back, and Sam races to his brother's side, all the while yelling for the suddenly horrified owner to call 911. Deeply remorseful, The Spot's owner complies, leaving anguished Sam alone to gather Dean up in his arms and whisper, "No! No! Not like this!" Dean chokes and gurgles and chokes some more until Jensen Ackles goes all cross-eyed and "dies."

RAAAWWWR! "Heeeeeeeeeeeee!" shrieks Raoul, having himself a lengthy little giggle over The Untimely And Cross-Eyed Demise Of Dashing El Deano. "Oh, that was just precious!" Raoul, I've said it before and I'll say it again: Sarcasm is such an ugly color on you. "Oh, but it was! Here -- let me try it! 'ACK! ACK! ACK! GLAAAAAAAH!'" Your death-drape over the arm of the chair is quite graceful and picturesque indeed, my scaly friend, and the crossed eyes certainly are a nice touch, but you really need to have that forked tongue of yours hanging out of your mouth as well. "[ulllalalaalllaaaaah]!" Perfect. "Thanks!"

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Supernatural

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