Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 19 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Freeze Their Butts Off Waiting To Worship A Rat

"Heat of the moment!" Sam snaps open his eyes and bolts upright in bed. "Telling you what your heart meant!" "Rise and shine, Sammy!" Dean bellows.

Bathroom. Gargling. Sammy hyperventilates.

Diner. "Hey -- Tuesday! Pig 'N A Poke!" "Okay, would you listen to me, Dean?" ultra-paranoid Sam whispers across the table. "Because I am flipping out!" Doris arrives with pen and pad in hand. "He'll take the special, side of bacon, coffee -- black -- and nothing for me, thanks!" Sam rattles off, rather rudely from Doris's perspective, but she heads back to the kitchen anyway, and Dean leans back in his seat to grin, "Sammy! I get all tingly when you take control like that!" "Quit screwing around!" Sam hisses, rubbing at his temples while explaining for what is obviously the tenth time that he's convinced he's caught up in some sort of bizarre time loop. Clearly believing Sam's gone completely around the bend this time, Dean nods, "Like Groundhog Day." "Exactly!" Sam overexcitedly agrees. Dean's all, "Riiiiiiiiight," before offering, "It's just that it's a little crazy -- I mean, Even-For-Us crazy..." "Dingo-Ate-My-Baby crazy?" Sam snaps, correctly anticipating the line. Dean freaks, finally about to get it. Unfortunately, Doris arrives at this very moment with Dean's caffeine. Fortunately, she also arrives with a half-full bottle of hot sauce that she manages to bobble right off her tray into Sam's anticipatorily outstretched hand. "Nice reflexes?" Dean eyebrows. "No, I knew it was going to happen!" Sam glares. Dean attempts to suggest that there might be another explanation for what's going on, but Sam's not having it at all. "You just have to go with me on this," he insists, increasingly frantic and contorting himself into various anguished shapes right there in the diner's booth before he finally just blurts the truth of the entire situation out: "You die today! Twice now, I've watched you die, and I can't...I won't do it again, okay?" Dashing El Deano's opposition collapses under the weight of this onslaught of emotion and tortured hair, and he agrees to go along with it all, even though he still thinks Darling Sammy is bonkers.

That yappy yet admirably restrained golden retriever snaps at Our Intrepid Heroes' heels, the distracted blonde body-checks Li'l Stumpy, and those fuckwits with the fucking desk unleash that stupid fucking Pulitzer line again while Darling Sammy completely spazzes out about The Mystery Spot and magnetic fields and the space-time continuum and God alone knows what else, until Dean agrees that they'll break into the place that evening after it closes, but the very idea sends Sam into a wild-haired panic, and he bats at Dean repeatedly until he finally forces himself to get a goddamned grip already. Dean realizes their after-hours trip to The Spot resulted in at least one of his deaths, so he's all, "Okay, let's go now," and would clompy-stomp right into oncoming traffic were it not for The Ginormotron's mighty lunge forward to haul his imperiled brother out of the intersection. Old Coot Pickett, once again at the sedan's wheel, Alzheimers what I'm certain is meant to be his angered impatience with Dean's apparent stupidity as he barrels merrily on his way. Dean chuckles, until he gets a look at Sam's ashen expression. "Wait -- did he...?" "Yesterday," Sam confirms. Dean mulls that over for a moment before grinning, "Did it look cool, like in the movies?" Heh. Sam, who's thisclose to beating Dean to death himself at this point, bitchfaces, "You peed yourself." Dean's grin falters at that bit of unwelcome news, but he pulls himself upright to offer this rousing defense: "Of course I peed myself! A man gets hit by a car, you think he has full control of his bladder? Come on!" He then carefully looks both right and left before crossing the street. Hee!

The Mystery Spot. Our Intrepid Heroes, masquerading as journalists, interview The Spot's owner, "Mr. Carpiak," who throws them line after line of spooky-sounding promotional bullshit until Unhinged Action Sammy orders him to cut the crap, and Carpiak finally admits he's merely a simple huckster who bought the joint at a foreclosure auction last March. And no, he's never seen Dexter Hasselback in his life -- they can ask the police if they don't believe him, 'cause the cops have already scoured every inch of the place and found absolutely zip. Dean, satisfied with Carpiak's answers, pushes a still-recalcitrant Sam towards the exit and into...

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