Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 19 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Freeze Their Butts Off Waiting To Worship A Rat

..."Dog," Sam nods as if to cue the mangy cur's yapping as they pass the admirably restrained thing while strolling down the main drag. Sam also correctly anticipates Pickett searching for his keys in the middle of the sidewalk and the distracted blonde body-checking Li'l Stumpy before Dean breaks the established pattern by chasing after the blonde to ask her a few questions, and it turns out she's Derek Hasselback's daughter, there searching for her father. Super-Smart Sammy makes "D'OH! I AM SO STUPID" faces and hustles over to her side for further interrogation, leaving Dean alone next to the yappy yet admirably restrained cur. "Hey, buddy!" Dean grins. "Somebody need a friend?" Dean ducks down out of the frame for a cuddle, the off-screen mongrel goes apeshit with the barking, and...

"Heat of the moment!" Ha! God help me, that was far funnier than it had any right to be, especially because they made us wait so goddamned long for the golden retriever in the first act to go off in the third. "Plus!" Raoul needlessly reminds me. "There was absolutely no GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE to speak of!" Yes, yes, I know: Those heartless little miscreants, am I right? "You are!" Good. In any event, Sam snaps open his eyes to dart out of the frame, and the next thing we know, he's back at the diner, sharing his scraped-together-across-multiple-Tuesdays research on Derek Hasselback, who turns out to have been a monstrously egotistical dicksmack of a "journalist" who styled himself "The Truth Warrior," so just imagine any tool from FOX News, and you've got a pretty good picture of this guy. His specialty was, as Dean puts it, "crapping on" roadside tourist traps like The Mystery Spot, so Dean finds it "kind of poetic" that he ended up vanishing in one. "Like just deserts," he elaborates as they rise to leave. Sam repeats the phrase, but his massive brain quickly switches "deserts" to "desserts" when he notices a suspicious container of strawberry syrup next to an abandoned plate on the diner's counter, and Super-Smart Sammy suddenly gets An Idea when he remembers that the usual occupant of that counter seat has always, always, always chosen maple syrup before.

"Heat of the moment!" Sam slowly sits up in bed, murder in his eyes. DUN!

Diner. The camera focuses on the supremely suspicious middle-aged syrup-switcher for a lengthy period of time, while Sam bores holes in the guy's back with a hostile glare until the gentleman in question rises to leave. Sam quickly follows with a paper bag filled with death and destruction, and a befuddled Dean chases after the two; out on the sidewalk, Sam slams the guy up against a fence, pressing the business end of a blood-encrusted stake against the guy's neck. Sam babbles on about the guy's M.O. -- "going after pompous jerks" to "give them their just deserts" -- and the guy babbles back at him for a bit, pleading for his life and such until he finally abandons the charade and morphs into last season's still-alive Trickster, much to Our Intrepid Heroes' shock and dismay. Richard Speight smarms something about his unlikely survival until all three of them get gobbled up by the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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