Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B | 1 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Get the Night Sweats

Metal Teeth Chomp. Credits. Still outside the Miller house, about a million people are now milling about. "I was washing a dish. I heard the crash. And then I came out." Dean sidles up to an old lady, who tells him that it was a suicide. She continues, telling them that she "saw him every Sunday at St. Augustine's. He always seems -- seemed -- so normal. Guess you never know what's going on behind closed doors." I wonder, do you have to sign a contract while standing around a crime scene to say some version of that "closed doors" comment? And you just know that lady has that line all ready for when Channel 9 News gets there. Sam prods a bit, and the lady tells him how it seems to have happened and that it happened "an hour or two ago." Dean. Sam. Meaningful glances. As the lady continues, "His poor family, I can't even imagine what they're going through," we get a shot of a woman crying and falling into the arms of a man, next to whom stands a manboy. I'm guessing this is the family of which she exposits. Dean works his jaw a bit, and sniffs meaningfully. We'll continue to see that the boys are required to perform a good bit of facial gymnastics during this somewhat quiet, and so very meaningful, episode. Sam storms off...about four feet away from the crowd. Dean follows him and tells him they got there as fast as they could. Sam is distraught: "Why would I even have these premonitions unless there was a chance I could stop them from happening." This sentence is grammatically problematic. Samuel, you are trying to stop the event from happening, not the premonition. Indeed, I will school you.

Sam sighs and asks Dean what he thinks killed Jim. Dean makes us all guffaw by forgetting that he lives inside a silly television plotline, and suggests that "maybe the guy just killed himself. Maybe there's nothing supernatural going on at all." Sam keeps beating the boring drum: "I'm telling you, I watched it happen. He was murdered by something, Dean. It trapped him in the garage." Dean is skeptical: "By what? A spirit or a poltergeist or what?" Sigh. I'm tired of these two having the same conversations over and over, a conversation where one of them gets in the way of the other one's brainstorming for no reason other than to create conflict in a scene that is otherwise rather boring. Shot of the boys from the back, silhouetted in front of the brightly-lit crime scene. Sam starts to drag this convo out of the shitter by actually saying something remotely interesting: "I don't know what it was. I don't know why I'm having these dreams. I don't know what the hell is happening to me, Dean." Dean looks at him rather closely and then tells Sam that he's worried about him. Aw. He keeps staring. Sam: "Stop looking at me like that!" Dean: "I'm not lookin' atchoo like anything. But I gotta say, you do look like crap." One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war! Dean suggests they leave everything be until the morning, when they'll check out the family and the house. Sam reminds Dean that the family is devastated, much as families are when fathers and husbands die. Cassie. Dean gets a glimmer in his eyes as he tells Sam he thinks he knows who the family will talk to.Cut to a finger reaching out and ringing a doorbell. Parental discretion, indeed! Close-up of Sam, who is rocking a total mother's-spit-in-the-hand slick-back hairdo, muttering, "This is gonna be a whole new low for us." Dean turns to him, and Ackles plays this with his lips shoved out to such great lengths, with such mischievousness, that I think he must be saying, "Drunken Bee, I know you love this move, this one's for you, kid." A man answers the door, and the camera swings around to reveal our boys in priest costumes. Dean takes the lead: "Good afternoon. I'm Father Simmons, and this is Father Frehley. We're new junior priests over at St. Augustine's." Haaa ha ha ha! As in, Gene Simmons and Ace Frehley. Of Kiss. As priests. That's awesome. And that's even before my mind can process the "Father I.P. Freeley" possibilities. You see how little it takes to amuse me now. I stand before you, unmasked. Anybody got a whoopie cushion? Jensen Ackles is playing this perfectly, smarmy and beatific. Dean slides right by the man who opened the door for them while Sam takes this opportunity to be annoyingly sincere: "We're very sorry for your loss."

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