Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 7 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Are So Screwed

As Henriksen gazes down with loathing and disgust upon a pair of unconscious, handcuffed, and faceless-because-of-the-camera-angle gentlemen who have been stripped to their underwear -- one of the gents long and lean, the other more than a bit less so -- this episode makes a sudden leap from "highly enjoyable" to "Fucking. AWESOME!" when Tommy Shaw arrives on the soundtrack to deliver the opening line of "Renegade" by Styx. The soft drum follows his solo voice like a heartbeat, and the camera cuts from Agent Henriksen's sneering face to a jittery hand-held shot that's silently tracking the progress of two SWAT team members up a narrow set of metal stairs into a parking garage, where they finally slow their pace down to a walk. The harmony kicks in as the guys in the SWAT uniforms -- one a fifteen-foot-tall freak of nature, the other one Dean -- reach the Impala. They swing open the doors and crawl inside while Styx notes, "Hangman is coming down from the gallows, and I don't have very long." The run of lyrics pauses, but the heartbeat of the drum continues as Our Dear Boys strip off their stolen helmets and peel their balaclavas up over their foreheads. And then they sit there for a moment, panting and wasted and wrecked as the heartbeat slowly and insistently drums underneath. Finally, Dean inhales -- a sort of involuntary hitch, here -- and lets it out with a deep, soft, "We are so screwed."

"YEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" The full force of the deliriously cheesy song slams on in to fucking own the soundtrack as the boys silently agree: "Yes, we are quite robustly screwed after that last little adventure of ours." As the song hits "This will be the end today of the wanted man," Dean finally throws the car into gear and spins out of their parking space to take off towards the exit. The Kripkeeper then splices the track so we get a piece of the face-melting guitar solo right when Metallicar runs a stop sign, and as the taillights gradually become tiny points of red in the far distance of the shot, Styx comes roaring back with, "Oh, Mama, I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law." The METAL TEETH CHOMP! clamps down with the final downbeat of the drum to send us all into the final blackout RAWKING our idiot headbanging heads off, and I cannot wait to see what happens next!

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