Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 7 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Are So Screwed

"None of the cops called me back after I explained to them what was really going on," Fat Ronald reveals as he leads the boys back towards the den. "They all thought I was crazy." And one quick glance around Big Fat Ronald's Big Fat Den Of Wacky Conspiracy Theories is enough to convince both Our Intrepid Heroes and the audience that the cops' assessment of this clozapine-deprived blubber wad was correct. The cheaply paneled walls are papered over with UFO diagrams, one of which features various cheese-headed Wisconsinites being sucked up into an alien "mothership" beneath the hand-scrawled headline "CHEESEHEADS ARE POTENT MANDROID SPIES," which I suppose would go a long way in explaining the continuing influence of Greta Van Susteren, but that's neither here nor there, because the central point of this tour through Fat Ronald's obsessions is this: Bitch crazy. He insists that the "Juan Morales" who knocked over The Milwaukee National Trust was not Fat Ronald's colleague, friend, and fellow poker player, but rather a "thing" that just happened to resemble Juan right down to the last detail. "It had his face," Fat Ronald overexcitedly explains as he digs around for a file, "but it wasn't his face -- every detail was perfect, but too perfect, you know? Like, if a doll-maker made it, like I was talking to a big Juan Doll." "A 'Juan Doll'?" Sam carefully repeats. Hee. Fat Ronald blows past Sam's obvious skepticism to present them with the folder -- which contains clippings detailing the recent jewelry store heist -- as he claims that both jobs were pulled by the same "thing." "And what's that, Mr. Reznick?" Sam frosts as he and Dean skim the folder's contents. Fat Ronald hoists up a copy of The Fortean Times and jabs his finger at the -- no, I am not kidding with this -- Doctor Who Cyberman on the cover. Oy. "Chinese been working on 'em for years," Fat Ronald insists, "and the Russians before that." And here I thought some wardrobe hack at the BBC knocked them together out of golf balls, vacuum cleaner tubing, and Reynolds Wrap in 1966. Go figure. Fat Ronald, naturally, begs to differ with me, claiming these creatures are exactly like "the Terminator, but the one that can change itself to look like other people." "Like the one from T2?" Dean nods, only his tone is far more kind than mine would be at this point. "Exactly!" Fat Ronald enthuses. "So not just a robot, more of a mandroid!" Sam repeats this last word with barely disguised disgust dripping from his tone. Dean ignores the attitude emanating from his fifteen-foot-tall freak of a brother and instead rather kindly inquires, "Now, what makes you so sure about this, Ronald?" Fat Ronald gazes blankly at them for a moment before suddenly remembering the one piece of evidence he's certain will convince them.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP