Of Grave Importance

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 3 USERS: A-
You in Danger, Hardy Boys

Eventually, Dead Victoria boots the fresh gay corpses' digital video camera over to Dean's feet, and as she, Dead Annie, and Dead Bobby look on from the sidelines, Dean calls Sam back downstairs so they can examine the footage together. As it happens, the camera picked up a quick shot of Dead Annie's face, so the boys start calling out for her again while Dead Annie argues with a still-vacillating Dead Victoria until the latter finally agrees to manifest herself to Our Intrepid Idiots. Chatter ensues, with Dead Victoria bringing Sam and Dean up to speed on what we few in this wretched husk of a show's rapidly-dwindling audience already know about Whitman Van Ness. Dead Whitman himself eavesdrops on the conversation from above for a little bit until he snarls and zaps himself elsewhere, and almost immediately upon his departure from the scene, Dead Victoria unhinges her lower jaw to let loose with a mighty wail. And as Our Intrepid Idiots gape and goggle like the useless fools they are this evening, Dead Victoria vanishes in a veil of flame. D'OH!

When the screaming is done, Our Intrepid Idiots bang their empty heads together for a couple of minutes until they finally decide to desecrate Whitman Van Ness's grave. Rather than killing them on the spot, which any sane person would expect him to do at this moment, Dead Whitman instead slips a skeleton key into Dimwit Sammy's pocket, and here's what I don't understand: If Dead Whitman has a grave that can still be desecrated -- and he does -- then why is he tied to some rando skeleton key back at Stately Van Ness Manor? Since he wasn't cremated back in 1935, wouldn't he be able to move from spot to spot on his own volition, like all of the other free-range ghosts we've seen on this show in the past? Margaret Fox, to cite just one recent example, was able to terrorize an entire town from beyond her grave, even while her bones were getting boned by that thrift-shop sicko, so what the hell is going on here tonight?

Oh, whatever. It's just one more piece of utter stupidity in a season that's been full of them, and I'm gonna let it slide, because this episode has been pretty damn entertaining so far. In any event, as Dead Bobby and Dead Annie look on, aghast, Dead Whitman buzzes and zots on out of the foyer to join Our Intrepid Idiots in this week's crapped-out piece of automotive trash, and as Oblivious El Deano steers the car out into this evening's next CHOMP!-less commercial break, Dead Whitman gifts us all with one extremely wicked grin. DUN!

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