Of Grave Importance

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 3 USERS: A-
You in Danger, Hardy Boys

Elsewhere, Darling Sammy's trusty little EMF reader is going positively batshit with the VWEEEE-YORPing and such, and when Dashing El Deano again dials Miss Annie's number on his cell, ringing erupts from a room just down the hall. The boys of course find Miss Annie's phone lying in the dust atop the floorboards, and needless to say, things aren't looking so good for Miss Annie right about now. Though, you know, that's what she gets for banging Sam Winchester. You'd think word would have gotten around about him by now, wouldn't you?

Back in the haunted foyer, Dead Bobby watches as a tall, dark, and spectral Arrow Collar Man berates the fat guy from the pre-credits sequence. "I know what you did last night," The Arrow Collar Man seethes, "and you know it was forbidden! I don't brook that sort of thing in my home -- don't do it again, Dexter, or there will be consequences!" Dead Bobby goes, "Hmmm!" at all that, but before he gets a chance to do more, Our Intrepid Heroes return to blunder obliviously up the stairs, and then a female voice calls out, "Bobby?" Dead Bobby spins around to find himself face-to-face with Dead Annie, and I'm sorry, but Jamie Luner's ashy-pale ghost makeup is making her look exactly like Grandma Tzeitel here, and it's incredibly distracting. "A blessing on your head!" Grandma Tzeitel smiles. "I'm a doornail," Dead Bobby sighs by way of reply, "and if you can see me, you are too." Grandma Tzeitel's all, "Haaaaaah?" at that, and we enter this evening's first CHOMP!-less commercial break wondering if they're going to fix Jamie Luner's goddamned face before this goes any much further.

We return from the break to linger on the decaying fa├žade of Stately Van Ness Manor for a moment before shunting ourselves inside, and no, they haven't fixed Jamie Luner's goddamned face yet. Though now the primary source of annoyance is the fact that her face doesn't match her neck, so at least I don't have to keep typing out "Grandma Tzeitel" over and over again for the rest of the recap. Dead Bobby and Dead Annie have retired to the crumbling manse's parlor for a chat about various post-death issues, and I gotta say, Jim Beaver and Jamie Luner seem to have an easygoing rapport with one another that makes the subsequent bout of expository blathering almost fun to listen to. There's still way too much of it to bother with a direct transcription, though, so here are the facts, such as they are: Dead Annie never saw a Reaper when she met her untimely end at the apparent hands of the pre-credits fat guy, so we know Something's Not Quite Right on the spectral plane in Stately Van Ness Manor. Also, while Dead Bobby's "seen poltergeists bench-press a piano as a warm-up," he still hasn't been able to "crack the code on any of it" -- referring, of course, to matters of ghastly physics and such -- and he confesses, "I tried to help the boys out once by knocking a book off a table, and I blacked out for two weeks." So, that means you missed the next episode? Well, then: Fuck you, Dead Bobby, because that episode was a wretched piece of...oh, wait a minute. You totally helped them out during that one, didn't you? So, you're just LYING to all of us now? Well, fuck you very much for that, then, good sir. And are we done here? Good.

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