Of Grave Importance

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 3 USERS: A-
You in Danger, Hardy Boys

Stately Van Ness Manor. Aftermath. The rapidly-cooling remains of The Probable Gays litter the foyer floor, with one of the fresh corpses still clinging to that digital video camera. Dead Annie hustles on over to pull the thing from the corpse's clammy hand, but alas! Her mad ghosting skillz are still not what they should be, so it's a very good thing, indeed, that Dead Victoria decides to make a reappearance at this point. Unfortunately for Dead Annie, though, Dead Victoria flat-out refuses to "meddle in Whitman's affairs," lest what happened to Dead Dexter happen to her, as well. And just what did happen to Dead Dexter, anyway? Like I said, no satisfactory explanation, here, just some vague chatter about Dead Whitman "draining" Dead Dexter, with Dead Dexter going "poof" "forever." I'd call it infuriating, but to be honest with you, I really don't care at this point. In any event, Dead Victoria does provide some explicit confirmation of what I'm assuming you've already guessed -- that it was Whitman Van Ness who killed all those hookers and the never-named fiancée before murdering Fat Dexter as well -- so that's nice, I suppose. Dead Victoria herself was one of the "fancy ladies" who got their throats slit during the manor's bordello days, and she also confirms that Dead Whitman's own untimely demise in 1935 hasn't prevented him from offing and trapping people there ever since. And just where, Dead Annie wonders, is Dead Whitman storing all the corpses? After all, he couldn't possibly maintain control over his unwilling houseguests unless their earthly remains were squirreled away somewhere on the premises, right? Dead Victoria doesn't have an answer for that one, as she and the others avoid Dead Whitman as much as they possibly can. Eventually, Dead Annie convinces Dead Victoria to slide the digital video camera off of the fresh gay corpse's hand, but the instant she's done so, a noise sets her to fleeing, leaving Dead Annie to scuttle back to her shadowy hiding place alone, where she cowers in the dark as Dead Whitman arrives to drag the fresh gay corpses over to...

...a super-secret passageway? Hidden behind a swinging bookcase? That's opened by yanking down on a wall sconce? Oh, blow it out your ass, Supernatural. Though it does remind me of this rather amusing scene for what I hope are obvious reasons, so maybe it's not a total loss.

Meanwhile, out in the forecourt, Our Intrepid Idiots lug various implements of ghastly destruction from the relatively shallow trunk of this week's crapped-out piece of automotive trash while growling a variety of colorful threats and such. Once they consider themselves well and truly armed, they march up the manor's front steps to commence with the flashlight-fu and the Tough Guy Jazz Hands through the manor's foyer until they stupidly decide to split up, with Dimwit Sammy heading upstairs while Dumbass El Deano remains on the ground floor. Before Dumbass El Deano wanders off on his lonesome, however, Sly Dead Bobby makes use of his newfound mad ghosting skillz to remove the flask from Dean's jacket pocket, so he doesn't end up getting hauled away against his will again. Yeah, sure, that makes sense. Whatever.

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