Out With the Old

Episode Report Card
Demian: D- | 4 USERS: A
You Guys Should Totally Come To The Hardy Boys' DJ Night!

Eventually, Our Intrepid Heroes arrive, and fisticuffs ensue. Leviathan Joyce promptly begins kicking Dashing El Deano's tantalizing ass all around the store, but for some strange reason, Leviathan George insists upon drawing Darling Sammy's attention to a bucket of borax-laced water lurking just beneath the shop's main counter. "Dunk me before she sees!" Leviathan George hisses in Darling Sammy's remarkably healthy ear, so Darling Sammy quite naturally complies. Leviathan Joyce takes a moment to gnash her teeth over her tiresome underling's apparent incompetence, then goes right back to kicking Dashing El Deano's tantalizing ass all around the store again, gifting Darling Sammy with the opportunity to retrieve a broadsword from a nearby display case, which Our Intrepid Hero then uses to decapitate Leviathan Joyce right before she pounces on Dashing El Deano one final time.

And after Dashing El Deano has graciously thanked Darling Sammy for the timely assist, and after Dashing El Deano has stowed Leviathan Joyce's head in the excruciatingly quaint antiques shop's safe, and after Our Intrepid Heroes have sent Baggy Scott on his merry way to, um, wherever, Sam and Dean corner Leviathan George and demand to know what gives. Why'd he help them? Why'd he want his boss dead? Why'd they start buying up all of the commercial properties in this section of Portland? And why in hell did we have to sit through an entire goddamned episode about real estate?

I perhaps added that last question myself.

For whatever reason, Leviathan George decides to wax loquacious, and he helpfully answers each of their questions in turn. Because Leviathan George is just as stupid as everyone else on this godforsaken show. You know, apparently. Anyway, the long and the short of it is this: Leviathan George was sick and tired of trying to scrape together an existence for himself under Leviathan Joyce's well-turned heel, and he couldn't take her out himself, so he had Our Intrepid Heroes take her out for him. Obviously. As far as this evening's hateful real estate subplot goes, well, Our Intrepid Heroes shouldn't be concerning themselves with that, because this evening's hateful real estate subplot is simply one minuscule part of The Leviathans' grand scheme, and if Sam and Dean waste too much time trying to set things straight in Portland, they'll risk missing the bigger picture. So nice of them to admit this episode was a complete waste of our time like that, isn't it? Dashing El Deano, however, insists on an answer for the local question, and this is what he gets from Leviathan George: "It's going to be a research center, for disease. This, gentlemen, is where we are going to cure cancer." "That doesn't make any sense!" Darling Sammy protests. "Why would Dick Roman want to cure cancer?" "'Cause we're only here to help," Leviathan George cryptically replies, and with that, we head into this evening's final CHOMP!-less commercial break not quite believing there are still more than two goddamned minutes left in this episode.

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