Out With the Old

Episode Report Card
Demian: D- | 4 USERS: A
You Guys Should Totally Come To The Hardy Boys' DJ Night!

The bitchy brood exits the scene as one and, thus left all by her lonesome, the haughty "Irina" straps on a pair of brand-new toe shoes to start in with her pirouettes and jet├ęs and arabesques and whatnot, all set to the primary leitmotif from Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. Alas, Miss Irina seems completely unaware that she's actually been tasked with dancing the lead in Hans Christian Andersen's The Red Shoes tonight, and as the music crescendos, Miss Irina starts spinning faster and faster around the floor until -- wait for it -- SPLAT! The vivid spray of blood now splashing against the studio's frosted glass doors quite naturally draws the attention of a hapless janitor who'd been mopping the hall outside, and he enters to find Poor Dead Irina sprawled in an ungainly and grisly heap in the center of the room, with a badly CGI'd pair of ragged stumps where her feet should be. Speaking of Poor Dead Irina's feet, they're actually nowhere to be seen in the spinny, dizzying overhead we then receive of the dancer's rapidly-cooling corpse, which is fairly disappointing. However, we are treated to a glamorous close-up of those foul, wicked and magically footless toe shoes of hers, which have arranged themselves quite neatly off to one side, so I guess that's nice. And barely has that hapless janitor had a chance to cross himself when the gentleman finds himself utterly obliterated by this evening's obnoxiously intrusive...

...SNOT ROCKET!, and as you'll no doubt have guessed from the continued lack of shrieking, Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon remains missing. The good news is, I managed to track his last known movements to a social club in Bay Ridge. The bad news is, I managed to track his last known movements to a social club in Bay Ridge. The damn dizzy lizard's probably at the bottom of the Gowanus. I'm trying my best to find out what happened to him, but I'm afraid I'm starting to despair. If you've any information -- any information at all -- please let me know on our recently revamped forum boards.

And with all that horrible sadness out of the way, let's move on to the horrible sadness that's masquerading as an episode tonight, shall we? The camera fades up on the shores of a ridiculously scenic and ridiculously snow-covered lake to find a chilly Dashing El Deano loitering next to this week's crapped-out piece of automotive trash, chatting on his cell with Supernatural's resident lunatic jackass, Frank Devereaux. For the first time in several episodes, we actually get to see the lunatic jackass in question during the lengthy conversation that follows, and...that's pretty much all there is to that. Yes, mention is made of the fact that Richard Roman Enterprises, Inc., has expanded its business interests to include an archeological dig in some never-named country, a "factory in Saudi Arabia," and a "fishery in Jakarta," but as Frank still has nothing on that ominous and vast swath of Northern Wisconsin detailed in the THEN!, I really don't care that much when he rudely hangs up on Dean mid-sentence in a fit of psychotic and paranoid rage.

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