Out With the Old

Episode Report Card
Demian: D- | 4 USERS: A
You Guys Should Totally Come To The Hardy Boys' DJ Night!

There was a time when I made sure I wasn't eating dinner when this show aired, because even I occasionally went straight off my food during some of this series' more gruesome death sequences, but that hadn't happened in so long that I quite unfortunately found myself with a heaping bowl of spaghetti Bolognese in front of me during this sequence, and when the boiling water started spilling from that woman's mouth to raise lurid red welts all over her face and neck and chest? Dinner went straight into the trash. Bravo, Supernatural. Bravo.

After we scoot through this evening's first METAL TEETH CHOMP!, we return to the quaint antiques shop from which Poor Dead Kitchen Lady's ominously ornate tea kettle was originally purchased to find Our Intrepid Heroes berating Baggy Scott -- like this obviously clueless schlump, here, was supposed to know from cursed objects when even the goddamned show itself forgot all about them for the better part of five years -- and because they're being so incredibly unpleasant during this scene, all I can focus on is how short Baggy Scott looks next to The Ginormotron. Seriously, this guy barely clears Darling Sammy's chest. Of course, given the fact that we know Jared Padalecki is eight and a half feet tall, this means Baggy Scott is probably of perfectly normal height, but still: Hee. Anyway, Baggy Scott eventually maneuvers his way through the rampant amounts of bitchery now emanating from Our Incredibly Obnoxious Heroes to provide them with a handy list of recent purchases, and with that, we follow along as Sam and Dean...

...tool this week's crapped-out piece of automotive trash over to Poor Dead Kitchen Lady's terribly well-appointed home, where they quickly find her scalded remains littering the linoleum. Dean retrieves a handy pair of Gloveables to of course avoid touching the evil tea kettle directly and, after Sam dials the police to report the untimely demise of Poor Dead Kitchen Lady, the boys head back out to this week's crapped-out piece of automotive trash to plan their next moves. Two items remain at large -- a "gramophone sold to Brenda Gluck" and "a vintage gentlemen's magazine sold to Peter Yankit of 27 Johnson Lane," and I refuse to comment on the latter, and you can't make me, so there -- so Our Intrepid Heroes decide to split up, with Sam taking off on foot while Dean climbs back into whatever the hell it is they're using as a car tonight.

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