Out With the Old

Episode Report Card
Demian: D- | 4 USERS: A
You Guys Should Totally Come To The Hardy Boys' DJ Night!

And then they proceed to blow a full two and a half minutes of screen time on a supposedly nerve-wracking suspense sequence tied to Brenda Gluck's nefarious gramophone that completely fails to engage me on any level whatsoever. I'm not kidding -- this scene is so hideously boring that I can't even make fun of it properly, because ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. If you must know what happens, though, here goes: While Darling Sammy takes his sweet damn time nonchalantly ambling over to Chez Gluck, Brenda turns her nefarious gramophone on, then conveniently exits the room so the foul thing can whisper sweet nothings into her idiot son's ear. Before we know it, Gluck The Younger is fetching yet another tremendous and tremendously deadly-looking knife from a rack in his mother's own terribly well-appointed kitchen, and just as the snot-nosed brat is hoisting the thing in the air to plunge its business end into his mother's neck, Our Intrepid Hero pops up from out of nowhere to snatch the knife from the wretched child's hand, and that's it. Well, except for the part wherein Darling Sammy peevishly lectures the hateful little shit on...something I totally didn't pay attention to, which ended up consuming yet another thirty full seconds of screen time and, after Dean calls to confirm he's secured the deeply wicked gentlemen's magazine, we head back to...

...the excruciatingly quaint antiques shop from which all of this evening's abominable objects were originally purchased to watch as Dashing El Deano locks said abominable objects in a safe, and before we settle into this episode's next bout of expository blathering, riddle me this: Baggy Scott had to have handled the objects in order to sell them, right? So, why is he still alive, huh? HUH?

Oh, never mind. I totally don't care. And I care even less for the above-promised bout of expository blathering, so I'll keep it short: Baggy Scott confesses to Dashing El Deano that he urged his mother to sell the store, and while she initially resisted both his arguments and the ones she was receiving from an as-yet-unnamed real estate agent, she eventually caved, only to meet her mangled end in a spectacular auto accident less than twenty-four hours after she signed over the deed. At this point, I'm sure, dear Raoul would likely shriek, "And why were we not witness to that?!" but I mustn't dwell on such sadness, so I'll instead note that Dean patiently absorbs Baggy Scott's lengthy confession, takes a very long moment to go, "Hmmm!" and exits the excruciatingly quaint antiques shop to examine the "SOLD" sign left behind by the ultimately triumphant real estate agent. And wouldn't you know it? The owner of "BICKLEBEE REALTY" is none other than that red-jacketed woman we saw earlier with that reluctant elderly gentleman! What are the odds? Yeah, don't bother answering that one, either, because again: I totally don't care.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP