Out With the Old

Episode Report Card
Demian: D- | 4 USERS: A
You Guys Should Totally Come To The Hardy Boys' DJ Night!

In any event, Dean wanders off down the street and, much to his apparent surprise, he realizes that Joyce Bicklebee of BICKLEBEE REALTY has plastered "SOLD" signs across nearly every storefront facing the avenue. Dean thinks real hard about this for a minute or two until the camera pimp-slaps the audience over to...

...the interior of Joyce Bicklebee's tastefully-appointed offices, and right here is where I absolutely lost all interest in this episode because, come on: Do you want to watch an episode devoted to The Leviathans' real estate deals? No, seriously: Do you? 'Cause I sure as hell don't, and that's pretty much all we get for the rest of the hour. And I don't mean to trash the performances of Mary Page Keller as ball-buster Joyce and Bryan Cuprill as her henpecked and browbeaten assistant George, because they certainly do give us their engaging best with what they've been handed to play, and it is absolutely not their fault that the nitwits responsible for this crap basically decided to sideline the show's leads for the remainder of this evening's installment in favor of throwing all of the focus onto this asinine and horrifically tiresome real estate subplot, but for Christ's sake: Leviathanically-enhanced real estate deals? Really? REALLY?

I just can't anymore, and whatever, so let's cut to the chase: Leviathan Joyce has invited that elderly gentleman from earlier over for a little more persuasion, and when the elderly gentleman balks, Leviathan Joyce latches onto the gent's hand, morphs up into Leviathan Gent form, and more or less twists the old guy's head off. Leviathan George is all, "Was that really necessary?" and Leviathan Joyce is all, "Um, yeah!" and Leviathan George is all, "But Mr. Roman said we shouldn't kill people!" and Leviathan Joyce is all, "Fuck 'im!" and long story short, Leviathan Joyce pulled the same thing with Baggy Scott's mangled mom, morphing into her unwitting victim's form to sign the property transfer paperwork herself, and is any of this of interest to anyone at all? Anyone? Didn't think so. So, to recap -- ahem -- Leviathan Joyce is buying up all the commercial properties in this section of Portland, and she's not averse to slaughtering the properties' present owners to do so. For his part, Leviathan George has been tasked with disposing of the occasional corpse and, despite his many, many qualms, he has done his level best to make each death look like an accident. Got all that? Good. Oh, and also: METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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