Out With the Old

Episode Report Card
Demian: D- | 4 USERS: A
You Guys Should Totally Come To The Hardy Boys' DJ Night!

We return to Joyce Bicklebee's tastefully-appointed offices to witness an entirely pointless spat between the Leviathanically-enhanced co-conspirators, and to hell with this shit, and long story short, because Leviathan George has to run into Darling Sammy somehow, Leviathan Joyce sends her feckless assistant across town to her favorite barista for a "Grande nonfat no-whip white mocha one-pump sugar-free double-shot espresso," pronto, lest she force him to bib himself as she did her last four assistants.

Speaking of Darling Sammy, there he is now, cruising through the nighttime streets of Portland in a purloined pickup truck while struggling valiantly to remain awake, because even The Ginormoron knows how fucking boring this episode is. Or, you know, because he hasn't slept in days thanks to Lucifer's kind ministrations and all that. Whatever. Eventually, Sam's cell phone bleats, and it's Dean, calling to chat about recent events, and while Sam yawns and stretches and fidgets around in his seat because: Bored, Dean fills him in on tonight's tedious real estate subplot. To his eternal credit, Darling Sammy listens obligingly to Dean's entire spiel, and waits until his brother is well and truly finished before plowing his purloined pickup truck into oncoming traffic, because death's sweet embrace is far preferable to putting up with this bullshit real estate crap for longer than a single second.

Or maybe Sam just hangs up, leaving Dean free to give Frank Devereaux a ring regarding Bicklebee Realty, and for once in his miserable life, the lunatic jackass readily agrees to be helpful. As Frank unleashes his superior Google-fu to begin investigating Bicklebee's mysterious parent company, we head back over to...

...Darling Sammy's purloined pickup, where we proceed to watch Darling Sammy fall asleep. Again. Some more. Naturally, this takes up a full forty-eight seconds of our lives. I can't wait for Season Eight, can you?

Meanwhile, the barista over at MOJO JAVA of course gets Leviathan George's order wrong, but that's not important right now because what is important right now is the fact that Darling Sammy quite conveniently shows up at the coffee stand at this point, and Leviathan George wastes not an instant phoning his boss to inform her of this exciting development. "You think they're here for us?" Leviathan George wonders. "Trust me," Leviathan Joyce replies, "if the Winchesters were here for us, we'd know." That settled, Leviathan Joyce orders her beleaguered underling back to the office for a processing summit, during which they agree that Leviathan Joyce will have the honor of devouring Our Intrepid Heroes herself. Well, Leviathan Joyce actually insists upon having the honor of devouring Our Intrepid Heroes herself, and Leviathan George has little choice but to agree with her plan, but it's not like they're actually going to make it out of this episode alive, so who cares?

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