Party On, Garth

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 9 USERS: B
Have A Drink On The Hardy Boys

Now, where was I? Oh, yes: After the dripping is done, the opening beats of Bel Biv DeVoe's "Poison" herald the return of the reprehensible DJ Qualls to the Supernatural screen and oh my God, I want to punch my fist through my television set right now. I think the last time he was on the show, I did a pretty good job of ignoring his presence throughout the recap, but that's going to be near impossible tonight, especially because the next four minutes of screen time are devoted to his hunt for the mysterious something that disemboweled Fugly Monster Chow during the pre-credits sequence. Can I just say he fails miserably in this relatively simple task he's set for himself and leave it at that? Huh? Please? Please?

Well, shit.

So, the repugnant DJ Qualls slides his shitty seventh generation Ford Ranchero into a parking spot outside the Burger Heaven on Tenth Street in New Westminster, British Columbia, and now they're not even trying with the goddamned locations anymore and why did no one cancel this fucking awful, evil show after the end of the fifth season? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYY?

Gah! ANY-way, even though we're supposed to be in Junction City, Kansas tonight, the repellent DJ Qualls slides his shitty seventh generation Ford Ranchero into a parking spot outside a well-known Vancouver-area hamburger restaurant to interview a couple of the waitresses, who just so happen to be the two photogenic young ladies from this evening's pre-credits sequence. Long story short, the two photogenic young ladies from this evening's pre-credits sequence basically blame Fugly Monster Chow's untimely demise on the restless spirit of the unfortunate Miss Greentree, so the unspeakably vile DJ Qualls climbs back into his shitty seventh generation Ford Ranchero to motor on over to...

...the local cemetery, where he quickly desecrates the grave of the unfortunate Miss Greentree, after which he salts and burns the wretch's remains.

Meanwhile, back in the woods, Jailbait Monster Chow slugs back a pint or two of off-brand whiskey in the front seat of his oversized pickup truck before grabbing a rifle and staggering off into the underbrush alone, intent on avenging his significantly less-attractive brother's death. Naturally, this leads to him getting his drunken ass hauled up into a tree by the same mysterious something that earlier offed Fugly Monster Chow and before we know it, Jailbait Monster Chow's jiggling, jittering body is expelling copious amounts of blood and body bits onto the forest floor. Poor Jailbait Monster Chow. Why did it have to be you and not this evening's entirely unnecessary "special" guest "star"? Sigh.

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