Party On, Garth

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 9 USERS: B
Have A Drink On The Hardy Boys

Over in Junction City proper, the revolting DJ Qualls pitches a massive hissy in the front seat of his shitty seventh generation Ford Ranchero when his police scanner belches out news of Jailbait Monster Chow's untimely demise. "How is that possible?" the abhorrent DJ Qualls squeals. "I Garthed her!" Shove it up your ass, dicksmack.

Somewhere else, Our Intrepid Heroes finally -- finally -- deign to grace us with their presence this evening and the camera arrives to find Dashing El Deano chit-chatting via cell phone with the never-seen Meg Masters regarding My Catatonic Baboo's current woeful condition while Darling Sammy steers This Week's Crapped-Out Piece Of Automotive Trash through the night, and it's a good thing no one took me up on my bet from last week, though I certainly would have been more than happy to mail the promised five dollars cash money to whomever wagered against me. In any event, once Dashing El Deano learns that My Catatonic Baboo remains much the same as when last we saw him, he hangs up and the two get to talking -- of course -- about Darling Sammy's freshly-restored sanity. When that's all over and done with, the utterly appalling DJ Qualls calls with news of the ongoing crisis in Junction City. Dashing El Deano's all, "Righty-o!" and the next thing we know...

...Our Intrepid Heroes have arrived at The Geary County Morgue in their cunning FBI drag to examine what remains of Poor Dead Jailbait Monster Chow. Of course, the detestable DJ Qualls is already there in a costume of his own and, after a seemingly endless bit of "special" guest "star"-related stupidity I'll not be bothering to transcribe, Dapper El Deano whips out his trusty little EMF reader, which promptly emits a series of befuddling VWEEEE-YORP!s the instant he waves it around in the air. This is unexpected and confusing for the tiny little people in the TV set, you see, because the odious DJ Qualls had earlier scanned the area with a trusty little EMF reader of his own and found no signs of lingering ghostly residue whatsoever. The few remaining members of this wretched show's rapidly-dwindling audience, however, have already figured out that Dapper El Deano's trusty little EMF reader is picking up The Spectral Presence Of Bobby Singer, so let's ignore Dapper El Deano's mistaken supposition that the unfortunate Miss Greentree must still have some part of her "laying around," and instead head on over to the coroner's computer, where we find Dapper Sammy already deploying his mad Googling skillz. Soon enough, he discovers that the deceased Brothers Chow were actually the scions of a prominent local brewing family, so Our Intrepid Heroes plus the shockingly unpleasant DJ Qualls decamp for the...

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