Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B- | 1 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Resolve to Exorcise More
We open looking out from behind some palm trees onto crystal blue water. A ukulele of island breezes plays. A man in a v-neck sweater/suit jacket combo appears in the foreground, in a close three-quarter shot, suddenly making the island scene look very blue-screen. He also appears to be rising up from the waist after having snorted a couple of lines off a hot chick's tits. My hopes, however, that this episode would feature Tubbs and maybe, just maybe, a little Phil Collins are dashed when the camera pans out to show the man get up from a seat that was simply placed in front of an island mural. The ukulele fades out and the sounds of an airport fade in as the man fishes his boarding pass out of his jacket pocket. Cut to the bathroom, where the man mouth-breathes loudly while splashing his face with water. Another man comes out of a bathroom stall and notices Mouth-Breather pulling at his collar and generally looking sweaty and weird and, well, like he's been doing a bunch of cocaine. Friendly Bathroom Man remarks, "Nervous flyer, huh?" and Mouth-Breather responds, "It's that obvious?" Friendly Bathroom Man chuckles and evilly asks, "What are the odds of dying in a plane crash? Twenty-thousand to one?" He clearly didn't get the memo regarding the Ineffectiveness of Reason When Applied to Irrational Fear. Mouth-Breather bends back over the sink to continue with the splashing when the camera pans up to show a plume of rascally black particles flowing into the room through an air vent. What is it with this show and mischievous inanimate objects? When Mouth-Breather looks up, he notices the plume, turns to face it, and it, of course, flows into his body through his eyes.

The cockpit. Hee. Pilot Chuck flirts a bit with Stewardess Amanda as she welcomes people onto the plane. Mouth-Breather gets on and flashes his black, black eyes -- so black that they let you see into the depths of hell -- at Amanda and she...furrows her brow. Action/Reaction, folks. Amanda shakes off her shivers and returns to her greetings. Cut to a model airplane suspended by a string in "flight." Cut back to the interior of the plane, where Mouth-Breather makes small talk with his seat mate: "Do you know how long we've been up?" She answers, "About 40 minutes," and he responds, "Wow, time really does fly." Apparently the Rascally Plume makes you both evil and likely to have a regular gig at a stand-up club in the Poconos. Mouth-Breather gets up to "stretch his legs" -- oh, I should have mentioned that his evil black eyes have disappeared for some unknown reason -- and starts hovering suspiciously around the emergency exit door. An alert twenty-something keeps his eyes on this suspicious character -- thanks to the Patriot Act, no doubt -- and when he sees Mouth-Breather touch the handle, he yells out, "Hey! What the hell are you doing?" Right before Mouth-Breather opens the door, he turns to stare the kid down with his back-to-evil eyes, and the kid shrinks back into his seat. Mouth-Breather gets sucked out of the plane, along with the emergency door, which hits the wing and causes it to shear off.Back inside the plane, we get the requisite THE PLANE IS CRASHING! THE PLANE IS CRASHING! visual cacophony -- drink carts pinning people to the wall, papers flying everywhere, that eerie sight of torsos bumping and moving all around while legs and bottoms stay strapped onto a chair. But really, between Alive, Fight Club, and Lost, there's no need to ever watch a reconstructed plane crash again. So: the plane crashes. End scene.

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