Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B- | 1 USERS: B
The Hardy Boys Resolve to Exorcise More

The three finally finish their interminable Walk of Chit-Chat Devoted to Sam's Low Self-Esteem when Jerry the Geek brings them to his office, saying he wants them to listen to something. He puts a CD into his computer and explains that he got hold of the "cockpit voice recorder for United Britannia Flight 2485. It was one of ours." I resisted before, but I'll let it fly now: they couldn't brainstorm a better name for their fake airline, apparently run out of the United States, with American flight attendants and American pilots, and seemingly American passengers? "United Britannia"? Especially since all these new carriers are coming up with loopy names like "Song" and "Ted"? "Lashed Together With Twine Airlines" would have been better than "United Britannia."

They listen to the voice recording, which starts out pretty normally, with a pilot issuing a crackling mayday, but then ends with a crazy lion-monster roar. Sam continues to smell farts while Dean seems to have perfected the art of sleeping with his eyes open in this scene. Jerry the Geek interrupts the brothers' catnaps by telling them that the plane "took off from here, crashed about 200 miles south." The camera swings around behind Jerry the Geek, and if you pause right here, you'll see both Jensen and Jared staring off into space mentally making grocery lists, trying to remember if they left the iron on, and calculating when their last period was. Jerry the Geek doesn't believe the official story of "mechanical failure" and tells them that out of the hundred on board, only seven got out alive. Sam finally shifts into gear and counts off on his fingers: "Jerry, we're gonna need passenger manifests, a list of survivors, and a plan for how to translate our modest success on this genre show into big-time movie careers." Dean finishes his own grocery list -- "Oh, and plastic wrap, don't forget the damn plastic wrap again, dummy!" -- and joins the conversation to ask whether there is "any way we can take a look at the wreckage?" Jerry isn't sure about the wreckage because "the NTSB has it locked down in an evidence warehouse." Cut to Jensen, who is wearing more peach blush than Tiffany, circa "Tiffany." Then cut to me, slackjawed that they expect me to believe Little Miss is going to break into a federally-guarded warehouse with his lips all BonneBelled like that.In front of a "Copy Jack" shop. A woman passes Dean as he exits the store. He, of course, trails her with his eyes and then mouths a "wow." You're not fooling anyone, there, Deborah Gibson. Sam is outside leaning on the car -- why is he always outside leaning on the car? Have they explicitly addressed this? -- and complains that Dean was "in there forever," but Dean simply flashes what look like two fake ID cards and says, "You can't rush perfection." Sam dorks, "Homeland Security? That's pretty illegal, even for us." Dean fires back a baffling line: "Yeah, well, it's something new. You know, people haven't seen it a thousand times." Is this supposed to be some sort of meta-commentary on the show? Because if it is, I'll tell you what people haven't seen a thousand times, and that's Jensen Ackles belting out the soundtrack from Glitter. Ah, a girl can dream, right?

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