Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 18 USERS: A+
Get Your Kicks On Route 666

"Coming from a Halloween party or something?" Norbert drools in the general direction of The Heaving Bosom. The Heaving Bosom replies by expanding itself another five inches towards the dashboard. "You know," Norbert stammers, still trying to engage The Heaving Bosom in conversation, "a girl like you really shouldn't be alone out here." Myra replies for her Heaving Bosom by fixing Norbert with a smoldering stare and slowly dragging her peasant skirt up her thighs towards her artfully hidden but nevertheless impressive candy. "I'm with you," she croons. Norbert pops a woody and, long story short, decides to indulge in an evening of scandalously sinful premarital sexual activity with Myra, Her Heaving Bosom, and Her Artfully Hidden But Nevertheless Impressive Candy down at the end of Breckinridge Road. Straight boys are so stupid. Norbert peels off down Centennial Highway, and the scene eventually cross-fades to...

...Norbert's dinky little Volkswagen convertible pulling up to Myra's lair at the end of Breckinridge Road. The house is -- how shall I put this? -- a decrepit wreck. Norbert, despite his evident lack of intelligence, agrees with me, and pshaws that Myra couldn't possibly live in so dilapidated a structure. Myra just gets this deeply sad look on her face and whimpers, "I can never go home." DUN! Norbert natters something unimportant while peering intently through the windscreen, and when he returns his attention to his passenger, she's vanished. Norbert, because he is a moron who deserves to die, looks first for her in the backseat before climbing out of the car to investigate the ruined farmhouse in his headlights. As the camera pans past the windshield, we see the spectral impression of Myra's hand as she presses it, longingly, against the glass. Norbert, rapidly losing his boner but still foolishly hoping for a little premarital fornication, approaches the house's door. The camera cuts inside to track his progress through one of the shattered farmhouse windows, in the process panning -- in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment -- past a faded color portrait of Myra and two children still hanging on one of the walls. Norbert finally reaches the torn screen door and pokes his head into the front room, only to have his calls of "Hello!" answered by a nasty-ass bat (I know: Is there any other kind?) that shoots out of the house into his face. Norbert shrieks like a little girl and dashes back to his car, which he throws into reverse to barrel on out of there. After much squealing of brakes and grinding of gears, Norbert finally makes it back out onto Centennial Highway and speeds off down the road, all the while trying to regain control of his panicked breathing.

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