Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 2 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Check In To The Overlook Hotel

I would, friend of friends, but first I have to head back to the garret, where Crafty Maggie's conducting a bizarre, one-sided conversation with Grandma Rose. Ooops! My bad. Grandma Rose is apparently telepathically chatting with Maggie, even though Maggie's answering aloud, even though Maggie's a ghost, and absolutely nothing about this episode is making any sort of sense anymore, so screw it. The sisters reach an agreement, and Maggie draws a hand across Rose's cheek.

Meanwhile, the rescue party's returned to the manor, and Susan and Tyler head up the back stairs to drag Granny out of the house while Dean and Wet Sam remain on the floor below to fret about Maggie's disappearance. Susan's sharp howl of agony, however, sends them racing up to the garret, where they find Rose dead. And do we get a METAL TEETH CHOMP! as everyone collapses into the final commercial break? NO! NO, we do NOT! "I think you should give this episode an F simply for that dreadful omission right there," Raoul opines. Don't think I'm not considering it, bucko. Ugh.

The Pierpont. Aftermath. The coroner wheels poor dead Grandma away, and after the boys and Susan confirm Tyler can no longer find Maggie anywhere in the inn, everybody's all, "Well, guess it's all over, then!" "RIP OFF!" Raoul shrieks. "WHERE ARE THE BURNING BONES? I WANT MY BURNING BONES! I WANT MY BURNING BONES! I WANT MY BURNING BONES!" Raoul, I didn't know you cared so much anymore. "Honestly? I don't. But I did think it only proper I put in the effort." Thanks, I'm sure, but I think the effort's been wasted. This denouement is pathetic. "Well, I didn't want to say anything. After all, this season's been going so well." Except for "No Exit," of course. "And 'Croatoan.' Don't forget 'Croatoan.' Lord, I thought that one was going to kill me." You and me bo-- What's that? You'd all rather know what's actually happening in this scene, instead of listening to me and Raoul blathering on? Okay. We can play it that way, but I'm warning you: This scene is dull as hell.

Our Intrepid Heroes escort Susan and Tyler to a waiting taxi, and Susan takes a moment to offer Sam a hug brimming with gratitude before driving off with her daughter. Once they're gone, Sam and Dean amble back to the Impala, where Sam admits he remembers everything he told Dean during his bout of drunkenness "last night." "You were drunk!" Dean protests. "But you weren't," Sam counters, "and you promised." Um. Erm. Uh-oh. Promised to what, again? "To kill him if he turned evil, darling. Don't you remember?" Pffft. Guess I do now. Whatever would I do without you, Raoul? "Crash and burn!" Not funny. Not funny at all, and so very, very beneath you. In any event, the boys climb into the car, and although Dean looks like there are about three thousand different Sam-related aggravated emotions he'd rather express verbally at the moment, he remains silent as he wheels Metallicar out of The Pierpont's parking lot and down the main drive.

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