Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 1 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Check In To The Overlook Hotel

Out in the hall, the boys run through all of the evidence that might link the locked-away granny to the recent spate of unnatural deaths. In addition to the five-spots etched everywhere, there's also the fact that dolls are quite famously utilized in voodoo circles to bewitch or curse a practitioner's enemies. Dean decides to head off in search of this mysterious grandmother, while Sam's to remain in Room 237 to surf The Wide Wide World Of Web for "old obits, freak accidents, and that sort of thing" to see if Grandma Rose has "whacked anybody before." "Don't go surfin' porn," Dean calls out over his shoulder as he bow-leggedly lopes away. "That's not the kind of whackin' I mean." Sam flaps his arms around in the air at Dean's retreating back and purses his lips into a pissy little bitchface of outrage. I guess that was funny. "Mildly," Raoul opines. "More importantly, it's functioning as a bit of a shout-out to the online fans who will not stop chattering about Darling Sammy's close brush with Cinemax-style lesbianism." Uh, snore? "Don't worry, Demian," Raoul assures me. "The fan shout-outs later in the episode are much more satisfying." I think I knew that, because I, too, have already seen the rest of the episode, but I really shouldn't get into it with Raoul right now, so let's keep this moving, shall we?

Downstairs, Miss Susan's signing away her rights to the inn under the snooty eye of the closer the real estate conglomerate sent over to finalize the deal, and long story short, she discovers they intend to raze the place for new development. Miss Susan's more than a little put out at the news, as she was under the impression they'd be renovating the building rather than demolishing it, and...scene.

Up in front of the dollhouse, Tyler's setting the table for a tea party with a quartet of Grandma's creepy porcelain antiques. Oblivious to the ominous drift of the camera, she contently hums a tuneless, meandering run of notes to herself as the shot slowly tracks over to yet another burn-victim doll perched upon a bed in one of the miniature rooms. With Tyler's tuneless humming our only accompaniment throughout what follows, the camera cuts over to the closer, who happens to be sitting in his own room in a position remarkably similar to the latest burn victim's. Back at the dollhouse, the burn victim's door pops its latch of its own accord and slowly creaks open -- an action paralleled in the real world, as well. The closer loosens his necktie. Meanwhile, Tyler contently pours nonexistent beverages for her creepy, glass-eyed guests until something in the dollhouse distracts her. She turns to discover the latest little burn victim hanging by his neck from the tiny room's tiny ceiling fan. As the portentous strings arrive to assume control of the soundtrack, the camera cuts to an overhead of the closer's lodging, where we find him dangling a few inches above the carpet, jerking uncontrollably as he strangles to death from the ceiling fan's cords wrapped around his neck. The closer's body goes limp just in time to vanish into the METAL TEETH CHOMP! "That was disappointing." Shhhh! I'm on a deadline, and this is taking forever!

Inn. Aftermath. Sam pushes aside the curtain in his room to watch as the local coroner's department loads the closer's bagged corpse into a van. He leans heavily against the window's frame, almost on the verge of tears, before angrily flinging the curtains back into place and vanishing. Meanwhile, a stricken Miss Susan climbs the front steps to offer Dean an explanation for the commotion, adding somewhat bleakly, "I don't understand -- we've had a lot of bad luck around here." "Look," she rather generously offers, "if you want to check out, I'll give you a full refund." "No thanks," Dean replies, eyeing the morbid activity in the drive for a moment before returning his eyes to hers. "I don't scare that easily."

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