Well, that was weird. With last week's Amazons having long since vanished into the mist, and with no further Leviathanical developments in sight, Our Intrepid Heroes decide to motor on over to Wichita, Kansas, to investigate -- you guessed it -- a series of mysterious and gruesome murders that have been plaguing the town as of late. The first of these bizarre killings involves a bloodsucking octopus attacking an obese gentleman shortly after the fat-fat fatty ruined his only daughter's birthday party, the second features an actual unicorn impaling a "full-frontal douchebag" of a dad shortly after that gent humiliated his only son at another boy's soiree, and the third sees some hapless janitor chomped to death by an invisible land shark, the latter of whom has taken to prowling the fetid depths of a children's ball pit because, hey, why not?
Fortunately, it takes very little time for Sam and Dean to link all three murders to the dreadful kiddies-only restaurant from which this episode takes its title, and here's where things really start to go south for poor Darling Sammy. As you'll no doubt recall, the dear lad suffers from an intense case of coulrophobia, and as Plucky Pennywhistle's relies rather heavily on the clown-themed amusements to keep its customer base satisfied, Darling Sammy is of course rendered nearly paralytic with fear the instant he sets foot in the wretched place. Luckily, Dashing El Deano's there to handle most of the investigative heavy lifting this week, and what he eventually discovers is this: A Plucky employee by the name of Howard has taken it upon himself to rid the world of lousy parents (and interfering janitors) by having children's worst fears come to life through the magic of hoodoo. In fact, Howard's about to set a robot with laser beams shooting out of its eyes on yet another sucky dad when Our Intrepid Heroes interfere with his nefarious plan, so Howard first sends a team of demonic clowns to slaughter Darling Sammy, after which he attempts to talk Dashing El Deano to death. Dean, of course, has long since grown impervious to such nonsense, and eventually hoists Howard with the latter's own mojo by summoning the ginger nerd's own worst fear at an especially crucial moment in this evening's action.
And in the end, Our Intrepid Heroes chit-chat about their goddamned feelings -- again, some more -- for the better part of two and a half minutes. I'd tell you what they said to each other, but seriously: I'd fallen asleep by that point. Besides, does anyone really care anymore?
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Rattle, Rattle WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE THEN! And while it does provide us with a brief reminder of Dashing El Deano's recent clothing-optional run-in with the Amazons, the bulk of this evening's THEN! is devoted to a central plot point from this second-season episode, for reasons which will become readily apparent once we've blundered our collective way through the...
...Rattle, Rattle STILL NOT GIVING A SHIT NOW! Darling Sammy, his normally pleasant features contorted into a rictus of sheer panic and despair, bursts through the oily drip-drip-dripping of tonight's NOW! to race across a rain-dampened nighttime parking lot and crouch behind an SUV. Practically hyperventilating with terror, he pants, "It's okay! They can't hurt you!" before changing his obviously fear-addled mind and deciding, "They can hurt you!" The editing then gets a little jumpy as he tries to talk himself down, and he repeats the phrase, "If it bleeds, you can kill it!" a couple of times before steeling his wobbly resolve and pushing himself up to peer across the car's hood to find...a green-haired John Wayne Gacy clown loitering at the far end of the lot! DUN! The camera leaps over for a horrifying close-up of The Green-Haired Gacy's filthy, rotting teeth as the thing unhinges its lower jaw to chortle wickedly in Darling Sammy's general direction, and Our Desperately Coulrophobic Hero wastes not an instant tearing off in the other direction, with The Green-Haired Gacy hot on his remarkably healthy heels.
Darling Sammy first runs smack up against a high chain-link fence he wisely decides not to scale before ending up at the creaky wooden door of a little-used auto repair shop. He promptly boots his way into the place and somehow manages to barricade the flimsy entrance just as the high-stepping Gacy arrives to hurl itself, loudly and repeatedly, against the wall until it manages to break in. Frenzied Sammy makes to hustle himself to the opposite side of the shop, but alas! Another green-haired Gacy clown has materialized to block Sam's path to safety, and this second Green-Haired Gacy shudder-zips up to push its foul, giggling face into the camera until everything gets obliterated by this evening's...
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