Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 6 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Shoot Rainbows Out Of Their Ass

Subbasement. Dashing El Deano expertly picks the lock on the door and proceeds to deploy a little flashlight-fu until he stumbles across a flaming brazier set atop a foul-looking sigil painted on the concrete floor. "Now, that's perfectly normal," Dean announces to no one in particular, after which he examines a series of childish drawings tacked to one of the walls, evidently by Howie The Ginger-Haired Wonder Weenie if that photograph of the dork in question in happier and far-younger times is anything to go by. As a precaution, Dean draws his trusty pearl-handled automatic and pushes further into the subbasement's gloom until he reaches a makeshift altar, upon which is opened some ancient tome filled with ominous squiggles, beneath which lies the wicked little shit's purloined placemat. "Drop it," calls out a voice from somewhere behind him, and Dean turns to find a wild-eyed Howie The Ginger-Haired Wonder Weenie leveling a trusty little revolver of his own at Dean's head. For whatever stupid reason, Dean does not immediately shoot the goopy-eyed shithead in the face, and instead stoops to set his automatic on the floor before rising to wonder, basically, what gives, and Jesus H. Motherfucking Christ on a stick -- they're gonna try to talk each other to death, aren't they? God, I hate this show.

ANY-way, Dashing El Deano and Howie The Ginger-Haired Wonder Weenie commence with the chatter, and from what I can gather while trying desperately not to lapse into a Coma Of Boredom of my very own, The Wonder Weenie's using a little old-fashioned hoodoo to conjure up abused children's worst fears, then setting the various personifications of those fears after the kids' parents. Harried Libby was meant to be Howie's next victim, of course, but Dashing El Deano rips up the wicked little shit's placemat, so I guess Harried Libby will now live to see another day. Another day wherein she wishes she had actually gone through with that abortion, I'm thinking, but that's neither here nor there at the moment, because Howie The Ginger-Haired Wonder Weenie is now confessing to the fact that he's already targeted Darling Sammy for destruction, which anyone who's been paying attention to the episode thus far should have figured out already.

Nevertheless, to confirm The Wonder Weenie's assertion, we now leap across town, where we find Darling Sammy watching as Harried Libby and her wicked little shit make it home safely, after which Darling Sammy disembarks from this week's crapped-out piece of automotive trash to find himself staring directly into...the rapidly decaying teeth of Green-Haired Gacy Number One! Darling Sammy goggles and gasps and staggers backwards in abject horror and dismay until he foolishly trips himself up in this evening's next METAL TEETH CHOMP! DUN!

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