Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 6 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Shoot Rainbows Out Of Their Ass

We return from the break to find ourselves thrust back into the middle of the action from the top of the hour, with Desperate Sammy's frenzied face taking up much of the screen for a couple of seconds until The Green-Haired Gacys finally decide to attack. Desperate Sammy nails one of them right on the schnozz with a vicious right hook before booting the other in the stomach with one of his oversized feet, but unfortunately, both of The Gacys recover almost instantly from this assault, and Desperate Sammy's forced to repeat his "If it bleeds, you can kill it!" mantra until he somehow manages to overcome his pants-pissing levels of terror to whip out his trusty pearl-handled automatic. Sam then squeezes off a point-blank shot directly into the second Gacy's chest, but much to his dismay, the bullet simply explodes into a spray of twinkly glitter. The giggling Gacys proceed to kick Desperate Sammy's tantalizing ass from one end of the dimly-lit auto repair shop to the other, and just when things are looking their most dire, indeed, for poor Desperate Sammy, we slam back to...

..."36:36:08 Earlier," according to the convenient 24 countdown clock at the bottom of the screen, to watch as Dapper El Deano inspects the gore-bedecked hole left behind by the unlikely unicorn's deadly attack the previous evening. And when he's done, he chit-chats with a member of the local constabulary for a while until he notices the recently impaled gentleman's weeping widow standing all by her lonesome on the sidelines, just waiting to dazzle us all with yet another burst of expository blather, so Our Intrepid Hero obligingly grants her a moment in the sun, and we learn that the recently impaled gentleman just yesterday escorted his 8-year-old son to another child's birthday party at -- wait for it -- Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie. DUN!

This Week's Motel Room. Which, by the way, has a decidedly Polynesian feel to it. You know, in case you were wondering. Anyway, Darling Sammy's cell phone bleats, and it is of course Dashing El Deano on the other end of the line, calling to inquire, "You remember a chain called Plucky Pennywhistle's?" Darling Sammy blanches, then LIES, "No!" Unfortunately, Darling Sammy's LIES are all for naught, for Dashing El Deano distinctly remembers dropping Wee Sammy off at various of the restaurants on numerous occasions in the distant past so he could "go trolling for chicks." In any event, as both murder victims had been to the local Plucky's with their children on the very days they were slaughtered, Dean orders Sam to check the place out. Naturally, as Darling Sammy is deathly afraid of clowns, he refuses, but Dashing El Deano will not be taking no for an answer this evening, and he tells Sam to hustle his ginormous ass over to Plucky's, pronto. Lest he seem like a complete dick about it all, however, Dean does offer his brother the following kind words of advice: "Just know that ninety-nine-point-nine-nine percent of all clowns can't hurt you, and if it bleeds, you can kill it." With that, Dean hangs up on the call, leaving a woeful-looking Sammy to blink back tears of anticipatory terror as he gazes up at the ceiling and repeats, "If it bleeds, you can kill it." Aw.

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